A Place between Reds and Blues

Cats

2012-01-17T22:36:00.000+08:00

I don't like cats. I never liked them, except for Hello Kitty and perhaps Doraemon. (Coincidently, one is without mouth and another without ears!:D) Cats are arrogant, they think you are their servant and they are the evil masters that are plotting away about how to take over the world. Urgh.

I'm a dog person. I like friendly creature. I refuse to respond to snobbish behavior (and i apply that to my relation with human too). I love mutual relationship. I need expressions for assurance.

I frowned upon my housemate's request to bring her cat to the house. But I liked Shadow at the first sight. With a body bigger than a Chihuahua and furs as fluffy as a chow chow, she's not any ordinary cats but an elegant descendent of Russian blue and Persian. Just as the name suggest, he is grey and you will not be able to see him in the dark. And he pretty much live up to his name by his ability to bug you untill you give him food.

Every morning, he never fail to remind you that he needs food. He waits for us to come home - though he never wag his tails, he purs everytime you play with him. He doesn't know how to catch a rat, just like my pampered and spolit pet-dog at home. You can't take him out for a walk of course, for he is a cat, but rather he wanders out on his own and knows how to come home - something I've never done to my dog.

I always thought catowners are boring, inward-looking and somewhat foolish. But with my new encounter with cat (and its owner), I begin to think that perhaps they are the more sophisicated ones. They can love nonetheless without receiving gratitude. They can allow their 'loved one' to have more personal space and more rights to be the way they are. and they can tolerate snobbish looks! They expect less and are more at ease at themselves - just as how their cats do.

But I still prefer dogs. Though Shadow shall be an exception.

Shadow the cat

Hail 'His Majesty'!

Why I was not too worried about Anwar being jailed

2012-01-11T18:12:00.001+08:00

January 9th, the day when all eyes were on Malaysia.

Somehow, I was not surprised by the verdict that Anwar has been acquitted. Before this, while Anwar and his team went on a nationwide campaign to rally for support, and when talks are high on the fate of Pakatan Rakyat assuming that Anwar is going to jail (and speculations on who should be the interim Prime Minister), I've shared with a few close friends to take a chill pill because I don't think Anwar is going to jail.

Firstly, by charging Anwar, Najib (assuming the conspiracy theory that the BN government is behind all this) risk repeating the history of 1998 Reformasi when the former deputy Prime Minister were sacked and accused for the first time, or at the least - as some argued that the reputation of Anwar has suffered some tarnishes by the continuous attacks from his enemies and might not reciprocate the same public anger of 1998 - Najib might still risk giving away the middle ground votes to Pakatan Rakyat out of sympathy. There is a chance that he might go the hard way to finish him off, but he is not usually a high risk taker, and my case were proven.

Secondly, if Anwar was charged, it will reinforces the claim by Pakatan Rakyat of the tyranny of BN and give them a moral boost that the fight goes on. Now that Anwar has been acquitted, Pakatan Rakyat and those who cried foul previously are caught in between by their own words. Does it mean you were right to say Anwar was innocent, or were you wrong to say the judiciary is not independant? Certainly, I personally do not think that a single verdict that is perceived as fair is substantial to justify the legitimacy of the entire judiciary system; for two reasons: 1) It could just be a game played by Barisan Nasional for the reasons I've just mentioned above, and 2) even within the worst system, there could be people with conscious that does a few right.

Now that I'm doubly happy over the development, for 1) Anwar Ibrahim is finally released from the Sodomy case which is evidently a set-up to destroy him politically (and hopefully Malaysians will have less disturbing headlines about one's sex behaviour); and 2) that my prediction was proven right, I am curious to know if he and his counterparts in Pakatan Rakyat genuinely thought that he will be jailed, or if the campaigns and mobilizations of 901 (or 109, depending on how you read your calendar) rally is merely a political gimmick. That said, even if it's the latter, I personally see nothing unethical in it (it will only be to the advantage of Pakatan Rakyat because either way, it will be a show of political strength and one is better safe than sorry since anything can happen in politics) - I am just curious about their work mentality along the campaign trails and the goals they had in mind to achieve.

What is interesting is, how will this development impact the winning chances of Pakatan Rakyat in the next General Election and shape the political landscape of this country? A friend comment, 'Anwar in jail is more dangerous than Anwar out of jail.' Perhaps, but I'm just happy that one less person need to suffer sentence unjustly, and the verdict has now killed a powerful political mileage of both sides - that Anwar is morally at fault and thus leadership questionable according to BN's propaganda, and for Pakatan Rakyat to harness sympathy votes by portraying Anwar as victim - and hopefully this will make the political contestation of the next general election focus more on the real policy issues and less on personalities.

And while all the limelight is on the man now made free, I'm more interested and worried for the explosion incidents. What happened could have been worse! Who did that? and what message are they trying to bring forth? One can develop a thousand conspiracy theories, but let's just leave it as that as it will be too simplistic to point fingers at this juncture. Let's just bear in mind that there are still instigators in our midst who will not withhold their hands from using forces and fear to achieve their agenda, and that's exactly the force that we are fighting against.

2011 Recapped

2012-01-02T23:17:00.001+08:00

Calendar is but a human way to document dates and time. And yet, there are something that make 31 Dec so far apart from 1 Jan, as if a chapter has to be closed on the 11.59pm of 31st Dec before the New Year is ushered in, and as if how you spend your first moments of the year will determine how your new year will be.

Surely, it is a good time of reflection, to be thankful for things that happened in the year and to plan for the next. Somehow, the emotional attachment is not as strong to me, this could have be the fact that my birthday is in November, merely a month ago, which served as a better checkpoint for the year-long goals for me. When I was studying, our academic year starts and ends in June, thus rendering the New Year celebration somewhat meaningless as it would be only half the journey. As I started working, it was November, and coincidently, twice I've resigned/decided to resigned in November too. Major events in my life simply does not happen at the turn of the new year.

Nevertheless, seeing the many beautiful ways year-end reflections and new year wishes were shared on Facebook, I too felt the need of summarizing it (peer pressure effect, you can say.) It took me a while, but it summarized my 2011 adventure most aptly.

"A sheer boldness and hunger for adventures brings me back to KL before last year ends.

This year, what I discovered is beyond what I expected:

I learnt to love,

Friends new and old, Families near and far;

I learnt to care,

causes great and small;

I learnt to be different, I learnt to be normal;

I learnt to cry in joy, and laugh in pain;

I learnt to give, I learnt to keep;

I learnt that though feel far apart, God has never left :') "

---

My 2011, was characterised by a decision to come to KL. Why? I thought, Penang is too comfortable, too secluded and I want to explore beyond it, getting to know more people here, having greater influence in the national scene. Overconfident, perhaps, but off I went.

Life will never be the same if I chose to stay in Penang. Would I be better off, or not? That is the question I have been struggling with for the past one year. Things certainly did not go as i hoped for. I was supposed to finish a book before June, a project which has now been shelved indefinitely, and move on to another place. KL was meant to be a transitional stop.

I did not intend to be so involved politically; my passion has always be policy and issue-based research. But when the offer to work for Lim Kit Siang, the famous DAP stalwart come by, I just threw everything behind my mind and said, Yes! Who would have dreamt of working for one of the most dedicated politicians in the country, having grown up hearing so much about him? I plunged my head into it and the rest follows. Not quire what i'm looking for, but a rare opportunity to be working for such admirable man, and to be in the heart of action of the opposition party. Regrets? That's a question which I can't answer, and have stopped seeking for the answer.

---

2011, I met him. He is a pleasant surprise, I've always said. I did not come seeking for him, his arrival was not anticipated. But he felt like a soulmate at first sight, someone that make me feel very comfortable being with. Not quite the standard dream guy that make all girls'hearts melt, but charming in his own way and someone that I can rely on. Ironically, I made the decision to be with him based on that basic, nothing-fanciful characteristic of his, and i didn't take too long, unlike my previous relationships that has lengthy ambiguous courtship period but very shortly sustained. But over time, he has proven to be a good choice. I have great appreciation for his support and accomodation over me, especially some of my airy-fairy ideas and hyperactivity, not to mention those melancholic moments which he has to endure depressing conversations and never-ending worries, which he often over-simplistically concludes "you think too much". From him, I learnt to cherish simple things in life. I've always been a goal-oriented person, while he, seems to be much more at ease with himself. I always believe that God wants me to learn to be normal from him, learn to lead a simple life (though I sometimes still think that he is overdoing it and underperforming his potential in life, as reflected in his career that desperately need a breakthrough). That precious lesson, is not only learnt from him, but also from his interaction with people around him. He has friends, close friends that lasted for years, and do not mind meeting every other day just to talk emptily. Great friends that will always ready to help.

I've never had that in my life. Friendships failed me, left me; to me, friends are transient, they are for a certain period of life, and will be gone when we move on. It's not as if I didn't try to keep in touch, but my attempts have mostly been futile - they just don't seem to be interested to catch up with me, nor take the initiative to ask. Along the way, new friends came, wonderful friends that I couldn't imagined not having in this life away from home. It was from her that I learnt, that I should not feel sorry for friends that had lost touch, but always try, and seize the opportunity to be friends again when time is right. That was the mantra that I lived by, and i thanked God that some knots were loosened before the year ended.

---

2011 has ended, did I achieve what I wanted? Some yes, some wrong turns and short-cuts, but the necessary have been done to keep myself on the right track. I've gain more knowledge about issues, I've come to know more amazing people, I've managed to write some articles, I've gained friendships - but I've also figured that this is a continuous process. 2012, will be a year of trying, as I made the decision to explore beyond my little pond again. But it is from 2011 that I've learnt that life is not about achieving, but trying - meanwhile, enjoy the process, and keep swimming.

Postal Votes Which Are Never Posted

2011-06-10T02:33:00.003+08:00

[LoyarBurok] April 22th, 2011

Having acted as a coordinator for polling and counting agents for the Opposition campaign in the recently concluded Sarawak State Elections has made me more confused about the rationale of the electoral system in Malaysia, in particular with regard to postal voting.

Under Malaysian election laws, postal voting is mainly allowed for police personnel, members of the armed forces and Election Commission workers who are on duty on polling day. Six days before polling day, postal votes will be issued through a procedure which can be witnessed by agents from all contesting parties. The ballot papers are inserted into envelopes with an acknowledgment form attached to be ‘posted’ to the voters concerned .

Don’t be fooled by the name, though. In actual fact, only a very small number of overseas votes are sent by post. The postal votes for police personnel and members of the armed forces are dispatched by police and military officials respectively to designated police stations and army camps, whereas Election Commission workers are required to collect their own postal votes from the issuing centre.

Upon arrival at the issuing centre, the EC workers have a choice of either voting on-the-spot (a polling station a la the normal voting procedure will be set up for them), or to take the ballot papers back and return them later. The postal voting station will be open for six days until polling day.

Questions which immediately arise are: if the EC workers can come in person to collect their postal votes, why can’t they just vote on-the-spot under the normal voting procedure? Why the additional choice of issuing ballot papers in envelopes which involves more steps and make it more prone to abuse? Why should the EC workers be allowed to bring the ballot papers back while ordinary voters do not enjoy this privilege? Why do they need six days to return the ballot papers? Is it to wait for God’s vision of who to vote for?

Such is the leniency given by the EC to postal voters. Not only did police personnel and members of the armed forces enjoy the privilege of casting postal votes, it was also extended to their spouses! Meanwhile, Malaysians abroad do not have such luck.

In addition to that, a registered voter who is eligible for postal voting can apply to be a postal voter up until 3 pm the day before polling day. This is to say that less than 24 hours is required for the EC to process the application. Doesn’t such efficiency sounds all too ridiculously amazing considering that the EC needs 3 to 6 months to process the registration of an ordinary voter like you and I?

The EC’s decisions caused the number of postal voters to skyrocket in the last few days before the Sarawak State Elections, as can be seen in the constituency of Kota Sentosa (Kuching) which saw an increase from 1,800 postal voters to a whopping 3,000 voters and Pelawan (Sibu) from 14 voters to about 300 voters. As party workers, we had no choice but to compare the list of newly-added postal voters with the electoral roll and cross out the names of the postal voters from the electoral roll in order to prevent double-voting, and to be sleep-deprived in the process!

Postal votes can be regarded as a ‘fixed deposit’ for the incumbent government. This can be seen in the constituency of Senadin, where the PKR candidate was leading by a substantial number of votes but was eventually overcome by postal votes in favour of the BN candidate, causing the PKR candidate to lose the election by a mere 58 votes. In Dudong, one of constituencies which the DAP contested in, the election battle with SUPP, the other party contesting the seat, was close. The counting of the votes was a very tensed affair until, at least for a short while, the DAP finally took the lead by about a thousand votes. At that time, the counting of postal votes - which numbered about 700 in that constituency - has yet to be completed. Just as the DAP was about to celebrate its unofficial victory, a blackout occurred in the counting centre of the postal votes (one can only guess what can happen to the ballot papers in the dark!). Fortunately, the matter was resolved amicably between leaders of both parties without unnecessary chaos.

Postal votes also make vote-buying easier, as its complicated process is more prone to loopholes and abuses. As the ballot paper can be taken out from the voting station unlike normal voting, it is easy for the voter to show an ‘interested party’ his or her vote in return for a monetary reward. On the second day after the postal votes were issued, a DAP polling agent in Sibu caught on video a group of people purportedly involved in vote-buying. A man was seen handing over to three or four ladies orange coloured papers similar to the postal ballot papers along the staircase in a building. When they realized that the ‘transaction’ was being recorded, they quickly dispersed into the crowd. Although the ladies later denied any wrongdoing when contacted, their acts remain highly suspicious and demonstrates the vulnerability of the system.

Party workers need to go along with the ridiculous system and try their very best to prevent any dirty tricks. In Sarawak, agents were sent to postal voting centres to ensure that postal votes are issued according to the official list. They stayed at these centres from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. for six days to ensure that the votes were picked up by the voters themselves and to stare at the ballot box to make sure that it is not moved or stuffed with extra papers. For those votes that are despatched to army camps or police stations, they tailed the car escorting the ballot boxes to ensure that the boxes did not get ‘lost’ on the way.

But that is only this much we can do. Until the Election Commission decides to get smarter, we will all need to do it the brain-less way.

Ivy Kwek was in the campaign of DAP Sibu for two weeks and still has some trouble adjusting to the KL driving manners.

The (Malaysian) King’s Speech

2011-06-10T02:29:00.002+08:00

[LoyarBurok] March 25th, 2011

This article is neither about Colin Firth nor King George VI. It is about the High King of Malaysia, Tuanku Mizan Zainal Abidin, the speech he made in the opening of the 4th session of the 12th Parliament, and the institutional set-up surrounding it.
This season of Parliament opened in a bang- literally, as the ceremony was accompanied by a 21 guns of salutes when the national anthem was played. It is a convention of the Parliamentary system that the first meeting of Parliament every calendar year will be officiated by the High King a.k.a. Yang Di-Pertuan Agong. The first day was participated by member of both House, that is the Senators from the Senate a.k.a. the Upper House, and the Member of Parliament from the House of Representative a.k.a. the lower house. Together with invited guests (mostly diplomats and top civil servants) they gather in the lower chamber as the King speaks.

The root word for Parliament is Parle, which mean "speak" in French. Parliament is an institution in Parliamentary democracy system that serves as the voice of the people. The Dewan Rakyat (House of Representatives) is made up of members that are popularly voted, The Dewan Negara (Senate) represents the respective states and minorities group, while the YDPA is important as a national symbol, whose royal assent to all bills is necessary for it to become gazette.

A former colony to the Great Britain, the Malaysia governance system is modeled after their Constitutional Monarchy system with adaptations to local scenario. As a matter of historical fact, the House of Commons of United Kingdom was originated in the 13th century to gather the knights and burgesses- representatives of the laypeople, when the monarchy of Britain seek to impose tax from the commoners, and hence the saying, "No taxation without representation". Parliamentary Democracy is a system where the people manage the country, while the monarchy remains the figurehead.

In the age of democracy, the Kings under the Constitutional Monarchy system serve as a symbol of nation unity. As can be seen in the movie "the King’s speech", King George VI was to deliver a pertinently uplifting speech (painstakingly, as the movie tells) as the Great Britain declared war with Germany in September 1939. Similarly, Japan emperor’s speech in the light of the recent tsunami was meant to bring comfort to the disaster-struck nation.

Contrary to parliamentary system is the presidential system, where the head of state is the head of government, that is, the president that is voted in by elections such as the United States. The President thus could come from a different party as the majority party in the Congress, unlike in the Parliamentary system, where the prime minister always comes from the same party as the majority party of Parliament. The Prime Minister is a person with majority confidence from the Parliament, who together with his cabinet act as the "steward"of the country for the monarchy.

Whether which is a better system is subject to many debates. The fact remains that under the Constitutional Monarchy system, the monarchy is represented by the government, and thus his speech is to outline the policy of the government and the success of the government. In fact, his speech is known to be written by the government, a practice accepted under the constitutional monarchy system and is symbolized ceremonially with the Prime Minister handing the written speech to him before he start. The King’s speech is not meant to be absolute, but is subject to debate and can be amended with a move of a motion.

Unfortunately in this country, questions regarding the royalty and their role are often a taboo. Any begs to differ are always seen as disloyalty to the monarchy and seditious, and often accused to be a threat to the Malay race, as the monarchy is seen as the protector of the special position of the Bumiputeras. Last year in the debate of royal address, Lim Kit Siang’s proposal to amend to royal address was met with great resistance and disapproval by the BN Backbenchers, calling him a traitor to the royalty.

Thanking who?

In this session of Malaysian Parliament, the King (without stammers) congratulated the government for their successes in the Ninth Malaysian Plan, the stabilizing economy growth, and the achievement of Malaysian football team in Suzuki AFF cup, among others. He also reiterated the government’s plan such as the Economic Transformation Programme, NKRA and NKEA, and not forgetting to warn against racial instigators, questioning of constitutional position of Malay rulers and Islam, and, to everyone’s laughter, the misbehavior of Members of Parliament in the Chamber.

After the King’s speech is a two-week long debate session in the Dewan Rakyat, where the Members of Parliament will debate about the royal speech, which in actual fact is everything under the sun. Ninety Members of Parliament had participated in the debate to thank the Royal Address.

The wide scope allowed in the debate also make the session very prone to abuse. Debate often used as an opportunity to put across certain political point as contrary to policy issue pertaining the people, or to upset the rivals. In fact, the proposer of the motion to thank the royal address (a must under the parliamentary procedure), Member of Parliament for Jasin, Datuk Wira Ahmad bin Haji Hamzah who is a Barisan Nasional backbencher (government MPs who does not hold a ministerial position), opened his speech by congratulating his colleagues for their victories in the recent by elections.

Datuk Wira Ahmad bin Haji Hamzah [Jasin]: … Keputusan tersebut jelas menunjukkan bahawa bermula di Manik Urai, disusuli pula di Bagan Pinang dan juga di Batu Sapi, kini rakyat telah kembali yakin dan memberikan sokongan yang padu kepada kepimpinan kerajaan Barisan Nasional sebagai parti pemerintah.

Sometimes, MPs backed up their speech with twisted facts. Dato Haji Lilah Yasin, the MP for Jempol for example, states that Barisan Nasional had never acted draconically, conveniently ignoring the historical fact of Ops Lalang and records of detention without trial of opposition politicians.

Dato? Haji Lilah Yasin [Jempol]: Kita dalam Barisan Nasional tidak pernah berlaku zalim terutama sekali kepada pembangkang. Kalau kita berlaku zalim sudah ramai kita penjarakan ini.

On another instance, MP for Kinabatangan, Datuk Bung Mokthar called Tony Pua an agent for Singapore without any basis given. When Tony Pua raised to the point of order to ask him to retract his irresponsible statement, the Speaker ruled that it was not necessary as the latter ‘was only joking’.

Cut the Crap

Having said all that, it does not mean that all that were spoken were craps. A lot of pertinent issues were raised by MPs from both sides. People’s welfare and poverty issues in Sabah and Sarawak were popular topics from both sides of the Chamber, perhaps because of the upcoming state election in Sarawak. Among the opposition MPs, a lot of concerns were raised over the Malaysian government plan to build to nuclear plant, as the nuclear crisis in Japan unfolds. "Interlok", the controversial case of the fifth former literature syllabus, was put forward a few times especially by the Indian MPs. The detention of Alkitab and the Cabinet’s conditional release was also a cause where many opposition MPs championed, especially those from DAP. Other issues raised include the housing schemes, MRT Project, warships procurement to name a few.

Backbenchers MPs on the other hand often make speeches that express their gratefulness to the government. Even if they are putting forward certain issue, they are less harsh to the government. Their pleas are often constituency-based, especially those who are representing a rural area who will use this opportunity to address the grievance of their constituents or ask for more infrastructural development.

As this is penned, the two weeks of debates by backbenchers and opposition has just finished. After this, the minsters from each ministry will make their speech as a respond to the issue raised by the MPs in the debates. It would be interesting to see how it unfolds as the tug-of-war continues.

In theory, this whole exercise of Royal Address, followed by debates and then reply by ministers is good in a working democracy, however, it depends on the MPs whether they could make good use of the session to discuss matters of public importance and not for their own political benefit.

Ivy Kwek watched both "The King’s Speech" and the speech made by the YDPA and is quite sure that no speech therapists were involved in the latter case. She is sometimes annoyed by the childish behavior ofcertain MPs but has started to take it as a form of entertainment.

Towards electoral reform in Malaysia

2011-06-10T02:26:00.001+08:00

[New Mandala] March 12th, 2011

“The [Malaysian] Election Commission only conducts and manages elections… I wish you would have gone to the Cabinet or the Attorney-General with your reform proposals as the commission doesn’t have the power to make laws”

– Datuk Wira Wan Ahmad, deputy chief of the Election Commission.

A public forum with the Election Commission (EC), organized by Bersih (the Coalition for clean and fair elections) on 22 February 2011 in Petaling Jaya, Selangor, turned out to be one of the most frustrating yet entertaining sessions for many activists longing to see electoral reforms in Malaysia.

The deputy chief (of the EC), Datuk Wira Wan Ahmad Wan Omar was the center of attention. He was stormed with questions right from the word go.

The Member of Parliament for Lembah Pantai, Nurul Izzah Anwar, questioned the delay in the use of indelible ink. Prior to the 2008 General Election, the government purchased indelible ink as a response to the civil society’s demands. The plan was however scrapped at the last hour, quoting security and public order issues.

Wan Ahmad explained that it was scrapped following instructions from the government. However, Nurul Izzah argued that the Deputy Commissioner was passing the buck, quoting Mohd Nazri Abdul Aziz, the minister in the Prime Minister department, who had explicitly denied the directive and stated that the cabinet merely ‘expressed their concern’ (over the use of indelible ink) to the Election Commission.

The deputy commissioner however evaded further attacks by stating that the EC was now working on a biometric system. He argued that the use of indelible ink is a sign of ‘going backwards’, as only countries like India and Bangladesh which has ‘huge population’ and ‘young democracy’ utilizes it.

Question remains on what harm would it make if the country uses indelible ink? Does the commission have the credibility to talk about a sophisticated biometric system, if they had failed to even implement indelible ink, the simpler and inexpensive method?

Furthermore, it is widely believed that Prime Minister Najib is likely to call for general election in the near future (possible as early as June 2011). The next general election is vital in determining the country’s political landscape – the Barisan Nasional (BN/National Front) to seek a return of two-third majority in Parliament, while the Pakatan Rakyat (People’s Coalition) is hoping that the Tsunami of 2008 will once again visit Malaysia and with larger force, to topple the BN.

When asked if they will consider indelible ink in the next general election, given that biometric most probably won’t be ready by then, the deputy chief seems adamant that biometric system was the way to go.

Another key question was on automatic registration. Currently there are some 4 million eligible voters who are not registered. The second man in the Election Commission did not think that it is a good idea and quoted the five following reasons:
i) Many do not take the initiative to change their address and might be residing in area that is not in accordance to their identification card;

ii) Many can’t be bothered to vote and their rights must be respected;

iii) All registered voters’ particular will be made public in the electoral roll; privacy should therefore be respected as some might not be comfortable with it.

iv) The drastic increase in voters will cause imbalance in the population of voters in the respective constituencies;

v) There are legal aspects which need to be amended to allow the change.

Among other issues raised were the increase in postal voters. There are 134,000 army officials and spouses alone. This highly opaque system has led to much electoral fraud in the Malaysian experience. No forthcoming answers were provided.

On another issue, one campaigned by the MyOverseasVote, Wan Ahmad clarified that overseas students can vote as absentee voters and assured that the mistake had been clarified with Malaysian embassies.

With regards to phantom voting, the deputy commissioner declined to comment as it has not been proven despite many allegations.

Towards the end, Datuk Wira Wan Ahmad reiterated that the Malaysian Election Commission is only empowered to conduct and manage election, and has no say over law-making. All reforms that need provision from law, will need the passing of bill/s in the Parliament. While the Commission can make proposal, the deputy put it bluntly: ‘but this is not the practice of this country, having been under this government for so long’.

The chairperson of Bersih, Ambiga Sreenevasan however assured him that if the EC is committed to reform, then civil society is ready to stand behind the EC’s reform agenda.

It’s time for the EC to do its duty and stand with the people by ensuring free and fair elections, rather than legitimise the regime in power.

Ivy Kwek is a Malaysian with a special interest in socio-political issues.

Making sense of campus politics

2011-06-10T02:23:00.001+08:00

[The Malaysian Insider]MARCH 1,2011 — The recent campus elections in local universities have been no short of drama and emotion. From the missing candidate of University of Malaya, to the protests and broken glass, the public has been fed with news where students have appeared to be barbaric and university is portrayed as no longer a safe place for learning. Various comments flooded the media: some expressing worry over the decline of student security; some condemning the authorities for being undemocratic; while others simply concluded that the students were being immature.

Interestingly enough, despite the perceived ‘barbaric’ behaviour, the Pro-Student (Pro-Mahasiswa) faction had marked the greatest success in garnering support, capturing the student council of two main campuses, namely University of Malaya, and Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia. In Universiti Putra Malaysia and Universiti Sains Malaysia where they are the ‘opposition’, there was a tremendous increase in support for the candidates of the so-called ‘illegal faction’.

The devil is in the details. It is therefore the purpose of this article, to invite you to look beyond the populist view and to take a closer look at some of the causes of the problems, by listening to those at Ground Zero.

THE BACKGROUND

Student politics were largely unrestricted in days of yore, until post-Reformasi days, when the then deputy prime minister, Anwar Ibrahim, was ousted, causing the anti-establishment spirit among students to rise to a new high. Recognising the increasing discontentment with the government, UMNO at that time allegedly conspired a major makeover in public education institutions by replacing ‘neutral’ vice chancellors with UMNO/Barisan Nasional (BN) insiders. Students who aligned themselves with the establishment were funded and trained to contest in order to curb the influence of the anti-establishment front whose activities were subject to a massive clampdown on as well. Faced with hard times, the support for the anti-establishment faction declined drastically, until 2009’s mini-success, which inherited the impact of Election 2008, and this year’s ‘little tsunami’ that heralded their huge comeback.

It is an open secret that the Pro-Establishment faction, who identify themselves as Penggerak Mahasiswa, has the backing of the university authorities, while the Pro-Student faction, or the Pro-Mahasiswa, who resonate much of the Pakatan Rakyat’s ideology and policies, is allegedly associated with opposition parties at the national level. The role of the university in the Pro-Establishment is obvious — though unproven, candidates of the faction apparently utilised the residential colleges’ secretariat as a central operation room.

The rules of the game are greatly imbalanced — candidates who were not ‘on their (Pro-Establishment) side’ were not allowed to campaign in residential colleges. Students were threatened with being denied accommodation in the college if they were found to be supporting the opposition. Several years ago, an incident was reported in which student numbers were jotted down beside the series number of the ballot paper in University of Malaya so that your choice of candidate wass traceable by the authorities. Money is never a factor to worry about for the Pro-Establishment candidates. Pro-Mahasiswa, meanwhile, have to raise their own funds, mainly from alumni. External political parties allegedly fund the student movement of both sides.

Chow was an active member in the Pro-Mahasiswa faction of University of Malaya about five years ago. Commenting on this year’s elections, the alumnus believes that the reason Pro-Mahasiswa won big is that students want their voice to be heard. It is a protest vote to university authorities, particularly the student affairs department (HEP) for its bias, partly encouraged by recent events in the Middle East — students are beginning to realise that they can make a difference.

Upon his graduation, Chow’s passion in politics carried on to the national platform. He believes that campus elections should go beyond campus issues. “Politics is a stream of thoughts, what more the issues affecting the students are issues beyond the campus,” he says. To him, the well-being of society is inseparable from politics.

“The university authorities shouldn’t be afraid of confrontation; look at universities overseas, New York University, for example, allows clubs that take political sides such as the students Republican club.”

SHATTERED GLASS AND DEMOCRACY

Prior to the election, the Pro-Student faction in University of Malaya had protested at the Student Affairs’ Department (HEP) office to demand for a dialogue with the deputy vice chancellor on a cleaner and fairer electoral agenda. The official version of the story is that the deputy vice chancellor allowed two representatives to meet in her office. However, the protestors insisted that the deputy vice chancellor should meet them downstairs; if not, they would all crowd her office. When their request was not met, clashes between protestors and university staff occurred, and a glass door was broken.

Amos, an ex-council member from the Pro-Establishment faction in 2009, condemned the Pro-Student faction for their lack of “logical reasoning” and “adherence to rule” in response to the ‘glass-breaking’ incident. “If they were less barbaric and aggressive, HEP wouldn’t be lopsided in their standings,” he said. His colleague, Timothy, also previously wrote in an article that the Pro-Student faction seems to enjoy being caught by the authorities and resorting to violence. “If that (the official explanation) is true, I would think that they need to know their limit in demands,” said the Timothy, now a final year medical student.

The supporters of Pro-Mahasiswa would beg to differ and blame it on the unwillingness of the authorities to hold a dialogue. Fitrah, an ex-council member from the Pro-Student faction in 2009, who participated the recent ‘glass-breaking’ protest, counters, “Takkan nak jumpa TNC pun macam nak jumpa PM.” (How can it be that a request to meet the deputy vice chancellor is as hard as a request to see the Prime Minister).

The question remains, can the voice of the students be heard if they do not resort to protests? Chow thinks that there’s nothing wrong with a student movement being ‘radical’, quoting examples of revolutions in China and France. Indeed, history shows that fundamental change often requires bold, radical, and sometimes seemingly ‘barbaric’ moves.

IT’S ABOUT THE STUDENTS AFTER ALL

Much politicisation somehow derailed attention to the periphery of the centre stage — the objective of the election itself. Student council members, like our national politics, are elected to represent the ‘people’ and champion issues pertaining to the welfare of students.

Given that the Pro-Student faction stands in direct opposition to university authorities, what were the chances that when voted in, their demands would be met? Chow admits that the Pro-Student faction’s hands are tied in the student council and lack real power. However, they managed to increase awareness among students by endorsing statements on national issues, such as the Perak crisis and the call for the abolishment of the Internal Security Act (ISA) using the platform of the student council of University of Malaya in 2009, the year they won and ‘ruled’. The fact that students vote for the Pro-Student faction despite knowing they might not be able to deliver infrastructural promises shows that the political education of students is high enough to choose democracy over development. “Or maybe, they don’t have faith that Pro-Establishment can do it anyway as they are subject to the HEP as well,” comments Chow.

Amos admits that there are flaws in the system and realises that the authorities could be bias. Nonetheless, he notes that things have improved greatly in UM. There is greater openness in allowing candidates from the Pro-Student faction to talk to students in colleges these days. He also opined that the fact the Pro-Student faction won this year shows that the electronic voting system, which was implemented since last year, does not lack transparency as deemed by the Pro-Student faction.

For Amos, he has aligned himself with the Pro-Establishment faction because he believes in fighting within the system. “If you cannot beat the system, you go around it. I believe in the water philosophy — go with the flow and accommodate resistance, rather than go head-on and cause controversy,” he says.

Timothy opines that voting should be based on candidacy, not party, as “there are bad apples in all bags.” He didn’t even know the differences between the two factions when he decided to contest in campus elections. He simply volunteered himself to his senior (a Pro-Establishment student, understandably) because he wanted to serve his fellow students.

THE CHANGE WE [DIDN’T) MAKE

While Chow takes pride in the success of the Pro-Mahasiswa-led student council in making a clear stance on key national issues, both Timothy and Fitrah think that the council did not succeed in promoting public awareness. “The council members are aware of the issues and have a stance of their own, but it does not permeate the student body at large. We did try to organise issue-based public forums but we had difficulty getting approval from HEP. That said, we didn’t push hard enough as we also were distracted by a million other things,’ says Fitrah. As she spoke, Timothy made notes using his phone, with the intention of using the information as advice for juniors.

Within the council, there wasn’t substantial intellectual discussion either. Timothy believes that the role of a student council should be student-centric, much like how a government should be people-centric. “While national issues are important, issues that affect the students directly are more pertinent and should be given more emphasis,” he comments. This is in reference to issues like student transportation, security and academic facilities. He did not deny his admiration for the courage of Pro-Mahasiswa students to fight head-on to see their electoral reform demands through, but he thinks that the protest seems a little self-serving and there are better causes to fight for: “If they are organising an anti-smoking demonstration, I will certainly be there.” Fitrah, too, agrees that more effort needs to be made in educating less politically inclined students on the relevance of the macro national issues.

Samuel from Universiti Putra Malaysia, the campus where protests similarly turned sour after the university’s decision to annul the legitimacy of the victory of Pro-Mahasiswa candidates, shares the same sentiment as Timothy. While he acknowledges that university authorities were “too arrogant” and “treat the students like kids”, he also thinks that the Pro-Mahasiswa camp seems to be “fighting for their own rights”. “I need a student council that really helps the students,” he comments. Nevertheless, he remains sympathetic to the Pro-Student faction for being suppressed by university authorities and strongly disapproves the undemocratic approach of university authorities to the elections, such as the short campaign period and the blocking of the internet in campus during the campaign period, possibly to prevent students from accessing information.

AFTERTHOUGHTS

When I was a student, among the first things first-year students were told in orientation week, was that we should focus on our studies and not get embroiled in campus politics and illegal organisations. We were shoved leaflets with testimonies of dropouts from ‘misleading’ unions on their regret over the fact that they neglected their studies. Towards the end of the week, I really believed what they said and thought that is what university is all about. Only after we were released to our respective faculties, I heard the story from the other side — stories of how students are forced to vote Pro-Establishment to secure college accommodation; of how your vote can be traced; of how candidates are harassed for running against the establishment.

Later, I found out that under the Universities and University Colleges Act (AUKU), which was compulsory for us to sign, I cannot participate in a gathering of more than three people, as it is deemed illegal. I also found out that I, as a 21-year-old, can vote and even contest in national politics, but under the act, is not allowed to be a member of any political party. (Following an amendment, students are now allowed to join non-government organisations that are pre-approved by the vice chancellor).

In retrospect, I feel that I’ve been treated like a fool. Politics or political thinking, in its ideal sense, is the pursuit of a good society, a science of the common good. In denying the younger generation an opportunity to be politically active, we are in effect denying them their right to patriotism.

It gave me great comfort to conduct the various conversations with the student interviewees — though they differ in approach and platform, all are genuine in their aims to make their university a better place. Despite years of suppression of AUKU, students of local universities have managed to rise up and to think for themselves and the country they are about to inherit. While it is true that the discourse of student politics should go beyond protests and boycotts, one should not neglect the determining role played by university authorities. The campus elections are far from being a level playing field, and it is of utmost importance that the Education Ministry and university authorities restore public confidence that they are impartial, non-intervening bodies.

Student leaders, on the other hand, need to go beyond the chants and memorandum. More effort is needed for them to remain relevant to students — the ordinary students whom they claim to be representing, and not just a talk shop among the enlightened ones who are in tune with political issues. Now that the Pro-Mahasiswa camp has gained much support from the universities, it is a golden opportunity for them to show that collectively, they can provide more constructive recommendations and alternative policy to the authorities’ mismanagement. It is also high time for them to ride the momentum to organise more students into having a stronger influence on national issues.

In the case of UM, recent attempts to make elections fairer are encouraging. The willingness of the authorities to listen is commendable, yet one should not undermine the good fight fought by the students in the past that exerted pressure on the authorities to act and to keep them accountable. It could be said that it is the fruits of their reform agenda, and it could be a form of motivation for others who are working hard against the tide.

The truth is, no matter how hard you try to contain it, the spirit of youthful idealism is irresistible; even the most indifferent student, if sufficiently riled up, would feel the urge to demand for truth and justice.

* Ivy Kwek is an aspiring writer who reflects on life in this country. She is proudly local university-bred despite all odds.

My other writings: SERI, New Mandala, The Malaysian Insider, LoyarBurok

2011-06-10T01:43:00.003+08:00

In between my time I also write briefly on a freelance basis. I self-initiated to write one on campus election as it was an issue too close to my heart for me not to write. I sent it to the Malaysian Insider and it was picked up! It was the first time my article got accepted by such prominent national media (well, except for those statements i drafted in my ex-boss' name la) and I was totally thrilled.

My friend invited me to write for an Australian-based website which focusses on southeast asia called New Mandala. It was indeed an honour to me as the website receives some international readership. Unfortunately I didn't sustain well with this as I stopped after the first one, similarly with The Malaysian Insider.

Upon arrival in KL I discovered a community blog (sorry it's Blawg as they called it) called LoyarBurok. I didn't know about them when I was in Penang and apparently they are doing very actively well! Made up mainly by lawyers, they also include social activists, students, and journalists. I wrote twice for them.

In fact, prior to this I actually was writing for the Penang Economic Monthly, a subsidiary production of SERI, my ex-working place which is a semi-state government think tank. I started off writing for it with absolutely no clue about writing an article - i'm lucky to get editors who are so tolerant and kind in 'endorsing' my experiments - the articles are somewhat heavily edited. To kick it off, I started by interviewing interesting peoples or organisations in Penang (I've since write in a different fashion these days, perhaps I should try the interview approach again one of these days.). I wrote three for them (plus one more recently after I left the job) and one of them, to my pleasnat surprise, was used as an cover issue of the month. That meant a lot to a new writer like me and it kept me going.

I'll certainly try to write more and hopefully, more regularly and more diversely. Keep the ball rolling!

Rocket#3: Yang Berhormat at Your Service

2011-06-10T01:37:00.001+08:00

My favorite thus far!:)

[The Rocket, March 2011]As a child, I used to look up to those with titles in front of their names.“Yang Berhormat, Dato’, Tan Sri.” I did not know their exact meanings, but it made them sound important. This impression was enhanced when I realized that adults spoke to them with a respectful, even fearful tone. On my first day of work with my current boss, a Member of Parliament, I felt so nervous, as if I was about to meet a supernatural being.

After growing up, I learnt that ‘Yang Berhormat’ (YB) is a title reserved for elected representatives. Im intrigued how a person can earn the title overnight, simply by scoring more ballots than their competitors in an election. These are often fierce contests; a slight change on voting patterns could be crucial to the final result. Yet, a victory at the ballot box, however narrow it is, instantly transforms a person – who before the election does whatever it takes to woo voters –into an ‘honourable’ person. Were they less honourable before they were called so? Or does it mean that the party who lost is less honourable?

Unlike doctors, engineers or architects who earn their titles through education; politicians earn theirs by convincing voters that they are the best candidate to carry out the job. They do not pass exams for this; the title is given before they prove themselves worthy of it. In other words, the voters are taking a bet on them. Winning the trust of the people earns them titles, but whether they live up to it remains to be seen in the days to come.

Titles do not an honourable person make. Exaltations are given to elected representatives not because of what they deserve, but because of what is expected of them. The question then is, what should be expected of the YBs?

In a 1979 study by Musolf and Springer, 29.2 percent of the Malaysian MPs interviewed felt that ‘resolving local conflicts’ is the single greatest expenditure of their time, while 20 percent spent most of their time ‘dealing with civil agency on behalf of constituents’. Only 6.3 percent spent most of their time debating and amending bills. Clearly, activities to meet specific needs of constituents took centrestage, while their legislative roles as parliamentarians were diminished.

Thirty years on, not much has changed. MPs are still preoccupied on the grassroots level, attending social function after social function – it is not uncommon to see them at five events on the same night during festive seasons. Even when Parliament sits, most MPs invariably shuttle from capital to constituency to juggle multiple duties.

In a recent survey by Merdeka Centre, 29 percent of the participants felt that the main responsibility of an MP is to attend to local issues such as drainage issues. This sentiment was especially prevalent among the Indians (41 percent).

In theory, Malaysia’s three-tiered government system places local issues under the local government. Unfortunately, most voters do not know how to differential between the roles of the federal, state, and local governments as stated in the Constitution.

Potholes, clogged drains, falling trees, and other related issues are the duty of the local council. Welfare aid and scholarship applications could just as well be conducted directly without elected representatives’ ‘recommendations’. Squatters’ issues (in which MPs are often asked to step in) could be easier resolved with legal reform. The bottom line is, many of the complaints brought to MPs service centres could be solved at the local government level, aided by a competant and efficient civil service.

In many ways, Malaysian MPs have inherited the role of traditional authority-figure in a kampong, where the village head is the go-to person for all things big and small. Today, a wakil rakyat also acts as welfare officer, land officer, family counsellor, and everything else in between.

In some cases, citizens expect their MPs to contribute to local infrastructure. But many are not aware of the lopsided distribution of parliamentary constituency allocations. Only MPs from Barisan National receive this allocation, which should rightfully be given to all parliamentarians equally regardless of partisanship. Opposition MPs are forced to operate solely from their personal salary or from funds raised on personal initiative.

Indeed, a personal touch does garner publicity and political mileage. But what exactly did we elect our elected representative for? Although our vote gave them their jobs, it is not their job to fulfil our demands. They represent the aspirations of our entire constituency at a national level, and hence should be freed from focusing on the specific requests of particular constituents. In this way, they can concentrate on their role as legislators and policy-makers.

It indicates that we are still trapped in a feudalistic system if an MP’s success is judged by his ability to deliver resources, or if ‘showing face’ at local functions overtakes policy formulation an MP’s list of priorities.

Before they fault MPs unduly for neglecting local issues, voters should consider the importance of MPs parliamentary duties. Scholars have noted that without MPs thoroughlly scrutinizing bills, a weak Parliament will pass haphazard laws. Elyas went as far as to note that the historical New Economic Policy was developed by an economic task group of civil service officials, and swept through at a time when Parliament was prorogued.

Today, we see history repeating itself, when as many as seven bills are rushed through in a single day of sitting. During the last Parliamentary session, certain bills were passed with only an hour of debate among 222 parliamentarians. No bill has ever been subjected to a bi-partisan select committee for substantial deliberation.

Even the New Economic Model – supposedly the economic document that will chart the development path of the nation – was not tabled for debate. Without a proper platform for policy deliberation, the passing of bills is more often according to party stance rather than reason.

Rocket#2: Mr. Speaker, make up your mind!

2011-06-10T01:33:00.003+08:00

[THE ROCKET, January 2011] The recently concluded House of Representatives sitting has seen to be a season of cutting salaries. A total of ten motions to cut the salaries of the Attorney-General, the Chief of Malaysia Anti-Corruption Commission, the eights Ministers i.e. of Energy, green technology and water, defense, tourism, works, transport, information and communication technology, health and women, family and community development, respectively, were brought forward, which is a significant number.

The attack mode in Parliament was somehow interspersed with some humour, when the deputy Speaker of the House, Ronald Kiandee, made a careless mistake twice in the house. In the motion moved by Lim Kit Siang to cut the salary of the Attorney-General by RM10, the deputy Speaker caught the House by surprise, judging wrongly on which vote got a ‘louder’ voice, almost causing the motion to be passed and granting the opposition an accidental score. Interestingly, he repeated the same mistake several days later when the pay-cut motion was moved again, this time, against the minister of Energy, Green Technology and Water Peter Chin Fah Kui, almost jeopardising his credibility.

For those who are not familiar with parliamentary procedure, this process, which is called voice voting, is a customary procedure in the passing of bills and motions. In usual cases, BN MPs will collectively say ‘ayes’ to the passing of the bill, while the opposition usually say ‘noes’ to it. Although the standing order 46 (2) states that the Speaker shall collect the voices and declare the result, it is almost an open secret that the Speaker will always judge in favour of the government.

In these two cases, however, the pay-cut motions were being moved by the opposition, thus it would be the other way round with the government saying no and opposition saying yes. The deputy Speaker, at the first instance judged that there are more voices saying ‘ayes’, which implied that the motion would be passed. Although he later retracted his remarks, the ambiguity has led to the protest of the opposition.

The opposition made good use of Standing Order 46 (4) which states that a Division can be called if more than 15 members ask for it. Division by its definition is recorded votes by name-calling. Though both the motions were eventually rejected with the government majority, the confusion of the Speaker, possibly by his mundane obligation, undoubtedly raised questions on whether the Speaker was acting impartially.

A pass to the motion, although not of serious financial harm to civil servants nor to the government, would nonetheless have been seen as a vote of no confidence for the government and would also have earned some political mileage for the opposition. Though the day was eventually saved for BN, these incidents shed some light on the institutional structure that is worth pondering.

Choosing a Speaker is one of the first things a newly elected House does. Selecting a Speaker by voting also means that Speaker is usually from the government’s camp. It is usually preceded with internal negotiation within the party, or in the case of Malaysia, between the component parties in the coalition, to decide who the agreed candidate is.

The partisanship of a Speaker, thus often leads to the contestation of the issue of his independence in judgment. How does the House ensure the independence of their Speaker? By convention, a Speaker will resign from their party position once they are elected, as in the case of the current Dewan Rakyat Speaker Tan Sri Pandikar Amin Mulia. However, this is not an obligation. In order to ensure that the Speaker can function without financial ties, United Kingdom law has it that the salary of the Speaker should come from the consolidated fund, not subjected to the approval of Parliament (House of Commons Act (Speakers) 1832). In Zambia, it is an obligation to choose from outside of the Parliament.

It is perhaps worthwhile to note that unlike the presiding officer of other countries’ legislative body, the Speaker of the Malaysian Parliament does not enjoy as much power, as our Parliament does not draft its own budget nor does it have control over its personnel. The budget of Parliament comes under the Federal Budget, while personnel are subjected to the supervision of the Public Services Department.

All things said, the author’s personal opinion is that ultimately, a Speaker earns his credibility by judging with reason and impartiality, not by acting in an authoritarian fashion. The discerning power of the Speaker should be practiced decently, with reasons given that convincing to all parties and the public. The recent decision of the Speaker in rejecting an emergency motion to admonish the teacher who made racial slurs (on the grounds that the motion has no urgency), and the emergency motion on the shooting of three teenagers by police (on the grounds that the motion was not specific, urgent and of public interest) are incidents that have raised doubts amongst the opposition members of Parliament concerning the Speaker’s professionalism.

Perhaps, someone should consider moving a motion to cut the Speaker’s salary instead.[THE ROCKET]

Rocket#1: Parliament as the INSTITUTION OF DEMOCRACY deserves a Bigger budget

2011-06-10T01:05:00.005+08:00

I've been writing for the Rocket since last December when I first assumed work in REFSA (research of social advancement) which is an autonomous yet DAP-affliated think tank. The Rocket is a party newspaper of the Democratic Action Party which has served as its mouthpiece since the formative years of the party, but as it faces the new era of politics, it aspires to move from a mere propaganda machine to a research-based magazine. It fits me well as I too believe that votes shall be won with reasons and not emotions alone. Though partisan, the arguements are substantiated with facts.

I was originally approached to write on parliamentary reform and I stuck to it. It is a relatively dry subject and if you finds it boring, it's normal :) It's like trying to cook a dish that is healthy and at the same time tasty, I'm still finding the balance between information and entertainment.
So, here's the very first one (The Rocket, December 2010):
Parliament as the INSTITUTION OF DEMOCRACY deserves a Bigger budget
Standing at RM214 billion, the 2011 budget is the largest budget that Malaysians have received thus far. However, much of the hype has overshadowed an institution whose importance is often neglected – the Parliament. This year, the Parliament received an allocation of only RM78 million. Last year, RM66 million was allocated.

Though there has been increase in value, the amount Parliament received is actually insignificant compared to other agencies and ministries. The Prime Minister’s Department, the mega-ministry of Malaysia, received an operational budget of RM5 billion and a developmental budget of RM10.8 billion. A mere bureau in the Prime Minister’s department, Biro Tata Negara (BTN), is already costing RM66 million. Even the ministry that is smallest in budget size, Ministry of Federal Territories and Urban Well-Being, will be receiving RM584 million. In fact, the amount received by Parliament is actually only a 0.05% share of the total budget.

One should be reminded that the Parliament is made up of members that are elected by popular votes. Parliament, therefore, is the representation of people, at least in theory. It is meant to scrutinise the workings of the government, to legislate laws, to enable the government’s financial provisions and to address public grievances. Thus, it is ideally a channel to allow the public to have a say in the government policy.

Theoretically, the MP from the party or a coalition of parties that secures that confidence of the majority will be the prime minister and will form his or her own government. As Malaysia practices the parliamentary democracy system, it also means that the government will always be the majority in Parliament, as opposed to the presidential system in United States, where the president and the majority of Congress can come from a different party.

That would also mean that the policies proposed by the government will most likely be passed. But as ironic as it may sound, Parliament still has a role to play particularly in raising contentious issues. This has become apparent with more opposition MPs elected into the parliament in the last general elections.

Sadly, the lack of emphasis in empowering the democratic institution has longed handicapped the Malaysian Parliament from unleashing its full potential. Under the long domination of the governing party prior to the last general elections, the Parliament has turned into a mere rubber-stamp of the government.

Nonetheless, parliament should not be a centre stage for political drama, but the place where serious policy debates with substantial intellectual input that would lead to the better outcome for decision-making in the country.

Up to 2011, the budgets allocated to Parliament are all of operational nature – which is to say, the RM78 million is for the maintenance of Parliament and not for its expansion, whether through soft or hard infrastructure.

General Administration
RM22 million

House Management
RM51.7 million

Overseas Duties
RM3.4 million

Association of Parliamentary Librarians of Asia and Pacific (APLAP) KL 2011
RM200,000

Emolument for Contractual Staff
RM643,000

Considering that an MP gets monthly allowances of about RM 13,000 and that we have 222 of them, the amount alone will come near to RM35 million, almost half of the total budget already! Factoring in the paycheques of the 314 staffs in Parliament, there are virtually nothing left for value-added activity for the institution.

Much indeed can be done for Parliament in order to promote democracy.

First of all, more parliamentary committees should be formed to discuss specific bills or to investigate contentious issues in greater details, which is hardly possible in the formal House setting. An uncommon practice in Malaysia’s Parliament, this approach is widely used in other countries such as Australia and the UK. Such committees can help to facilitate the legislative process as it allows more meaningful bi-partisan discussions to happen. It also leverages on the expertise of different MPs by arranging them into committees according to their areas of concern.

These committees will then submit a report of recommendation to the House for consideration. In countries such as Philippines and New Zealand, the committees also actively engage the public by holding open hearings and forums. In South Africa, an institution called the People’s Assembly which meets once a year was established to bring people of all sectors together to reflect on the impact of the Bill of Rights and the Constitution on their lives.

In Malaysia, though it is provided for in the Standing Orders, committees are rarely set up to discuss bills except the Human Rights committee and the Public Accounts Committee (the other three committees are set up for internal administration issue).Here, after the second reading of the bill, the House will simply enter a ‘committee stage’ and pretend that they are a committee with 222 members. The only difference would be that the mace, which is lifted up to signify the house in meeting, will be lifted down during this period. As the result, most bills will only be able to secure a pathetic three to four-hour debate session.
Secondly, there are no provisions for individual research staff for MPs. In fact, other than the ministers, there are no individual office spaces provided for MPs, opposition and government backbenchers alike. According to the Senarai Perjawatan 2011 (list of jobs and positions), the research unit under the Parliament is staffed by 15 Grade 48 research officers, which leaves it clearly understaffed as there are 222 MPs that they are supposed to serve. In comparison, the Australian Parliament houses an extensive and well-established parliament research unit of 75 members including section directors, executive assistants, and researchers.

Workshops and awareness programmes organised by the Malaysian Parliament has been minimal, whether for the parliamentarians or for public. More efforts can be done in the capacity building for our MPs to empower them in their roles as policy-makers. Similarly, awareness programmes for the public should be conducted to help them understand the rationale of the institution and its relevancy to the nation’s well being. New Zealand, for example, publishes a handbook that advises the public how to make submissions to lobby the parliamentary committees on key issues.

Live broadcast of the House proceedings should be made available to the public, either via the web or television. Currently, only the first half hour of each day’s sitting is broadcast through national channel RTM 1. While the viewership is a separate matter, the move will show the government’s sincerity in promoting greater transparency and the acknowledgement that the people have the right to know the goings-on of Parliament. With the technology now available, this is a reform that can be easily accomplished.

These are a few proposed reforms that will not come at great financial expense of the country. If adopted, it will bring great impact to the policy-making process that will eventually benefit the people. Thus, it is up to the government of the day if they have the political will to make it a reality.

Boredom.Big Heart.Being there

2011-04-02T20:01:00.002+08:00

Boring - Today is arguably one of the most boring day I've ever had. I am supposedly on a campaign trail in Sarawak for DAP, but because of the late delivery of some material, works didn't get to progress as I wish.

Big Heart - Today I have to learn to stay put with people that i'm not comfortable with. I learnt that I need to have a big heart to love and tolerate the different kinds of humanbeings around me.

Being There - I grumbled a little about having had to come so early. Because of this assignment, I'm missing my mum's birtday for the first time, and his first birthday we would ever celebrate. Is this struggle worth the sacrifice? I convinced myself to cast away all doubts, for this is about a greater good, and though being early means unavoidable boredom, it is also an act of making myself available for what needs that might arised.

A Time for Everything

2011-04-01T23:59:00.003+08:00

My friend challenged me to enroll on this April Challenge to blog from A-Z everyday this month except Sundays.

Blog, hrmph... I used to be a fan of it. Somewhere along the way, I stopped. I stopped telling people about my life, for I felt that noboday will be interested. I stopped penning down thoughts, for there are a degree of difference of difficulty in thinking, and writing down your thoughts.

There was many attempts to revive my blog (as you can see from my previous post), but it doesn't sustain long. The only consolation is that, well, I still tweet (with @kwekii) :)

Perhaps this challenge can get me on track again, but it would not be easy. Anyway, I'm giving it a try, like I always do ;)

How should I start if off then? First thing that came to my mind is the verse from Ecclesiastes - 'There is a time for everything'. Indeed, I had traveled (in ages) long enough (though not too long) to learn that human embrace different passion, values and obsessions in different time of their life. There will be time when you do things that you would never imagine yourself doing, time when you'll be in places you've always dreamt to be. Time when you regret for what you've done, and time for what you've not done.

1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

9What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? 10I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

11He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

12I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life. 13And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God. 14I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him. 15That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.

16And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there. 17I said in mine heart, God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work. 18I said in mine heart concerning the estate of the sons of men, that God might manifest them, and that they might see that they themselves are beasts. 19For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; so that a man hath no preeminence above a beast: for all is vanity. 20All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again. 21Who knoweth the spirit of man that goeth upward, and the spirit of the beast that goeth downward to the earth? 22Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?

<< Ecclesiastes 3 >>
King James Version

C'est la vie! We just have to keep hoping.

Christmas wish from YB Liew Chin Tong

2010-12-24T14:31:00.000+08:00

Christmas is a season of love and giving, of the hope of peace and goodwill.

As we gather with our beloved on this joyous day, lest we forget those who lost theirs – the orphans, the homeless, the abandoned senior citizens in our midst – those are the people whom government has the responsible upon to formulate long term policy to assist, besides giving out ‘goodies’ during the festive seasons.

As we enjoy our festive meals, lest we forget those who struggled to make ends meet for the family, bearing in mind 40% of our fellow Malaysian household which still earn a collective income of less than RM 1500 per month. Lest we forget there are more than 2 million undocumented migrant workers and refugees in our midst, often discriminated by the xenophobic segment of the society. Lest we forget the 34% of the workers of Malaysia who are being paid monthly salary below poverty level i.e. less than RM700 per month, who will be the most affected as the government is withdrawing the subsidies of basic food.

As we sing and dance in joy, lest we forget those physically disabled, who suffered from the inadequacy of disabled-friendly facilities. Lest we forget those whose freedom has been stripped away by draconian laws, those who had been or still detained without trial under Internal Security Act and Emergency Ordinance, and the 1,535 who had died in custody between 2003 and 2008 (and the number is increasing).

In this season of love, let us call for our country to be ruled by justice, to be freed from corruption and monopoly of cronies, to be a place where the people can live, learn and work without fear or insecurity, to be a place where all would call home.

In this season of hope, lest we forget that we are meant to be the good steward of God, to bring forward public good in the exercise of our faith. Let us keep our faith, that with genuine institutional reform and good governance, we can strive forward to make our country a better place.

Merry Christmas.
～ Liew Chin Tong ～

二十二岁的最后二小时

2010-11-09T11:15:00.003+08:00

二十二岁的最后一晚，选择了在房里独自一个人过。

这次生日，来得格外平静。要不是几位友人提前祝贺，我还真可能会把它给忘了。也许是心情，也许是忙碌，也许是长大了。无论如何，少了对生日的期待，多了对岁月的情怀。

想起小时候，常担心长大后会不会出人头地，就像那首西方童谣， 'Que Sera Sera' 中的小女孩在问，Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? 歌里歌外母亲的答复，也成了小女孩的安慰和肯定：What will be, will be.

记忆中，成长过程中，也是那么好胜，那么kiasu. 凡事都要做得最好，凡事都要胜人一筹。就连衣着，虽提倡穿得简单，却又要在简单中找到不平凡，然后享受人们投于羡慕眼光的那一刻。小学和中学时的各样大小成就，塑立了必要的自信，无意间也养肥了不必要的自傲。

十五岁那年，出现了信仰的邂逅，认识了基督，让我对生命的定义大大改观。同时发生的校园人事危机，更让我看清楚自己那副不可一世的丑陋模样。十八岁考中六，成绩预想不到的不理想，毁了我儿时的医生梦，前途急转弯下选择了生物系。隔年，爸爸因病呈辞，家里财务状况出现问题。

笔时，是风浪稍微平息的一年后。一年前，毕业后立刻回槟城，一是想家，二是想为这个家尽一份力。毕业前已决定自己的未来不属于实验室，却不知何去何从-只知道想为社会做一些事，而‘政策’这字眼一直在脑海里荡漾。偶然的机会下到民主行动党当实习生，还以为政治嘛，玩玩就算，怎知遇到的正是一位常把政策挂在嘴边的年轻政客。这样误打误撞，其中肯定有上天的安排。

风浪稍微平息的一年后，家人关系显见的好转，恢复了教会生活，最近也完了拥有属于自己的屋子的心愿。工作上有了起色，也找到了很大的满足感。虽然会因为其政治及服务性质，难免有质疑的时候，却只有往前走，才知道下一步要怎么抉择。感情生活零分，有点失落，却开始相信，这是用苦难包裹的祝福，因为单身，所以可以单飞。

有人说，十多岁的女生是待放的花苞，而三十岁的女人最为盛放美丽。那，二十余岁，就是在绽放中咯！二十三岁的我，还是和小时一样，不要平凡，要轰轰烈烈。一直觉得过去做得不够，要趁年轻做大事，所以会对自己有些苛求，不想自己耽误宝贵的光阴，哪怕就那一分一秒。

走下去，也许还要哼着那首'Que Sera Sera'，the future is not for us to see, what will be, will be. 更重要的，是对神存一份信心，相信祂都明瞭，相信祂会赐下最好的。

12.37am 9 Nov 2010

Bangkok 2010

2010-10-30T03:24:00.014+08:00

After working in SERI for a year, I am now moving on. Looking ahead to my new job, which I think will be both exciting and challenging, I thought I really need do a little seeing of the world, before I engage into the right gear for work. Traveling has also been a luxury in my family’s dictionary, hence I travelled much less than I wish I had. It is only made possible now that I earn my own salary. Initially, I was thinking of Cambodia, but was too timid to travel alone in that country. My immediate second choice was Bangkok. I don’t know much about Bangkok and Thailand, the choice was indeed impulsive and instinctive. It’s just that the name rings a bell on me, seemingly mysterious and lively at the same time. Mum was nagging me a big deal as she worried of my safety due to the recent political instability in Thailand, but I was silently hoping for see some sort of protest taking place during the trip - perhaps it was the recent political hype to cause the curious me to start to show interest in the people, to get to know what life mean to them.

Sera, a friend from Korea, needed to get out of Malaysia to get her immigration record renewed, so it fits well that we could go on a trip together. We soon roped in Erica, and Sera’s mum while the other colleagues looks in admiration. They later proved to be good companions and had added a lot of joy throughout the trip.

The moving Smarties
As we arrived, the first thing that caught our eyes was the colourful vehicles bustling on the road of Bangkok. As Erica puts it cheekily; they are like moving Smarties (those choco beans people similar my age grew up eating)!

Well thanks a lot to her, the imagery has now stuck in my head. Traffic was heavy, albeit messy with the Tuk-tuks and motorcycles criss-crossing between other bigger vehicles. This, with the eye-catching choice of colours of the taxis, gave Bangkok otherwise boring landscape some form of life. Yet, mess doesn’t equate chaos. In the irregularity of Bangkok, there seems to be an unspoken order.

The monarch and his people
We started our journey with a visit to the National Museum. The museum displays a chronological history, from the early kingdom of Sukhothai and Attuthaya, the gain and loss of land to and from Burma, Laos and Cambodia, to the unification of Siam up to the current Ninth reign. Given my nature of work and the political philosophy I am accustomed to, I can’t help but ask: what about democracy? Indeed the museum doesn’t talk much about it, except that constitution was written in 1932 that gives birth to an elected government. I do not recall the museum talking about the 1997 reformist constitution, and certainly not the military coup took over in 2006, supposedly with the backing of the monarch and ousted out the former Prime Minister Thaksin who was allegedly corrupted. The following political developments are much complicated, depending on which side you hear from, and only time will tell how the current political instability of Thailand will unfolds.

Even so, one should notice that the status of the King has remained relatively unchallenged amid the political instability. I was always amazed by the Thai people’s love for their king. Last year when I visited Khuan Niang, a small town in South Thailand, I was rendered speechless to see that every house proudly raises their national flags and hang the pictures of the royal families. How many Malaysians will do the same?

In Bangkok, the King’s presence is constantly felt, with His Majesty’s portrait displayed at the obvious corner of every street. Monuments are common in the city, almost fell like one for each of the previous kings of Siam (except for two: the democracy monument which celebrates the transformation from absolute monarchy to constitutional monarchy in 1932 and the Victory monument which celebrate Thai victory against French in Laos in 1939).

While it is perhaps over simplistic to think how the money used for the royal propaganda can be better spent so that more can benefit from it, it is nevertheless a justified thought. The practice of this sort is in principle nothing new, but seemingly a tradition that the royal lineage inherited. The Grand Palace of the King of Siam was indeed a century masterpiece of architecture, magnificent almost beyond the comprehension of a working-class Malaysian daughter like me. As the King of Siam was (and still is) the provider and protector of Buddhism, Wats are almost always built upon and only upon the King instruction. Temple of Emerald Buddha, Golden Mount, Wat Arun – they are, I can only say, breathtaking.

The God of Thai
Having spent most of my childhood years in Buddhist Dharma Schools, I took the liberty to claim some expertise in it. Buddhism, as I know of, teaches simple living and self-enlightenment. Lord Buddha, an Indian Prince born with great status, leaves the riches of the world, to pursue answers to life fulfillment. He, in his own words, is a teacher, not a supernatural power that is able to dictate nor protect. Yet, the God-like treatment he got from the Thai believers, are seemingly contrary to his teaching. What would Buddha thinks, if he sees
the glorification he received as such?

There is less doubt that Thai people are a religious nation. Thailand has also been the heartland for Buddhism. The Wats are always full of devotees. The Erwan shrine even stood tall right in front of a shopping mall in the city center, with many shoppers worshipping in between their shopping schedule. I see a close proximity between religiosity and modernity.

As we walk past the King Chulalongkorn’s stature, we similarly found a crowd worshipping the statue. It could be that it was the King’s memorial day, but the point is that kings had indeed taken a place of deity in the mind of the Thais.

While we are attracted to the bright colours choice on the streets, we also notice that pink appears the most. Pink houses, pink taxis, Bank with pink as theme colour (!), pink bicycles (rode by a male!)… We just couldn’t figure out why Thais like pink so much.

Interestingly, I later read that on the 7 Nov 2007, when the king emerged from hospital after nearly four weeks of illness, he was wearing a propitious pink shirt and jacket. Because of that, loyal supporters rushed to change the special yellow royal shirts they had been wearing for over a year to pink ones. Astrologers suggested that the planet Mars, which is associated to Tuesday and the color pink, would help restore the King to full health. Could that be the reason why we see pink everywhere? If that is true, such is their love for their king, and such is their faith in the supernaturals!

The city of smiles
Apart from a few ‘bad apples’ among the tuk-tuk drivers who tried to offer crooked tour package, I find Thais generally very friendly people – so friendly that before you approached for help, they might just offer themselves when they see your confused faces. On one occasion, a total stranger lingered on for more than five minutes just to help to get us a tuk-tuk that offers a cheap rate. This sort of courtesy is rare to get in Malaysia; I did receive the first few ones with much skepticism and bit of hostility.

Speaking of tuk-tuk rates, one really needs to acquire good bargaining skill to be in Bangkok. Unlike most developed country where all prices are well regulated, almost everything can be negotiated, at least in the older Bangkok. Customer rights are perhaps less protected, but perhaps that is the way of life for the Thai. Whether it is tuk-tuks or market goods, you can easily find sellers that will halve the price from the original he offered. Along the way, I wondered if we bargained for value, or just for the thrill of it, because even the original prices are actually rather reasonable. But oh well, who can resist a 50% discount like those in the mega sales? :P

Sufficient, efficient
Earning the maximum doesn’t seem to be the agenda of most Thai small businesses. I do not stay long enough to learn the Thai mentality, but perhaps for them earning enough is enough, or perhaps actually earning is better than not earning at all. Either way, somehow Thailand always reminds me of one word: Sufficient. The feeling is especially strong when I travelled the rural areas, when I see the paddy fields, the orchards and the farms. The common Thais are certainly not rich, but they don’t seem to be living in poverty either. Interestingly, I later found out that the the principles of ‘Sufficiency economy’ was indeed promoted by one of the King named Bhumibol, who emphasized ‘gross national happiness’ rather than gross national product. If I can be allowed to stretch the thought further, I think the ‘just-nice’ concept is also reflected in their transport system – they don’t provide extra comfort nor fancy speed, but they get you to where you need to be – sufficiently efficient.

That were what I gathered from my four days Bangkok trip. It was a short trip, I apologize for any misinterpretation. At a personal level, I meant it to be reflective, but it turns out to be more like a discovery. Nonetheless, it works well; in fact it works better that way. My perceptions enriched, my mind reenergized – I’m ready for the new job! 

Writing again

2010-08-24T21:09:00.003+08:00

Mum says one stops writing when trauma strikes one's life, or when he or she is going through major uncertainties. She stopped during Charcoal tragic death, and then again when Grandpa passed away.

I stop writing somewhere in between the end of my last relationship and the start of my new job. Transition out from a broken relationship was not easy, yet it ironically interspersed with the excitement of what the new job could offer. Either it was emotionally too much to handle, or it was all too exciting that got me going, I stopped writing, at least stopped writing to my own satisfactory.

Today I return to this blog that I once held so dearly and yet dumped aside so abruptly, I wonder if i should pick it up again. Many comments received, almost all of them from anonymous selling online products. None from friends that I know. Perhaps, with the convenience of Facebook and Twitter, no one bother to read blogs anymore. Or perhaps, they just stop being bothered with mine. Perhaps it is good, so that I can write without consideration of the audience.

Dr Chan says writing is actually thinking. I say, it is also about the articulation of thoughts. Many times, it is also about confronting yourself with realities that are unpleasant. Either way, I often felt depressed for not being able to write. I come to realize that it is not just about my uselessness in giving new ideas and conceptualizing thoughts, as I often made myself believe, but also because of my fear of failure and my pride in being the superior among peers. That, of course, has a lot of to do with my upbringing and childhood experience:)

Having returned to Penang, doing a new job that could potentially lead me down a career path that is unexpected and unimaginable prior to my graduation, settling down in new church and reuniting the family, I often find it needful to 'reconcile' my 'new' life with the 'old' one. Perhaps, by starting to write again is the first step i can take.

Ivy

All with a hopeful spirit and a passionate heart/My day

2010-01-28T23:00:00.001+08:00

Today...

I found myself walking again in a campus, I unknowingly ordered my classic dish i used to made in my make-shift hostel room 'kitchen' (Garlic Speghetti!), and my mind was consciously reminded that a campus election is going on in my old campus, just like the one i used to be involved.

I realized that bygones are bygones. I need to let go of the past.

Today...

I heard the experts discoursed on the better international order of the world, nationalism? globalization? all with a hopeful spirit and a passionate heart.

I see people of different disabilities coming together to advocate for the less priviledged, with sign language, with Braille, with clutches, all with a hopeful spirit and a passionate heart.

I realized that my path lies ahead. Future is awaiting me to shape.

Unequal

2009-09-08T20:23:00.002+08:00

In the book Economic Explained (by Robert Heilbroner and Lester Thurow), a parade of incomes was depicted in the analogy of a parade of flags. The population is lined up in order of its income. 'Assume that the height of the middle houshold to be 6 feet, representing a median income of $34,000 in 1995. This will be our height as observers. What would our parade look like?

It would begin with a few families below the ground, for there are some hosueholds with negative incomes; that is, they report losses for the year. Mainly these are families with business losses, and are not matched by general poverty. Following close comes a longline of dwarfs who make up about one fifth of all families, people less than three feet tall. Some are shorter than one foot.

Only after the parade is half over do we reach people whose faces are at our level. Then come the giants. When we reach the last 5 percent of the parade - incomes above $100,000 - people are 20 feet tall. At the end of the parade, people tower 600 to 6000 feet into the air - one hundred to one thousand times as tall as the middle height. What is the largest income in the country? Probably our sixty-odd billionaires have incomes of over $100 million. '
- adapted from Jan Pen, Income Distribution, (New York: Praeger, 1971).

It blows my mind away to imagine the two extreme ends of the parade. The analogy provides a very interesting way to see how unequally is wealth distributed throughout the world population. Why is this happening? Is capitalism to be blamed?

Many would agree the saying that the poorer you are, the harder is it for you to get out from poverty. Another interesting logic that I heard (from Chin Tong) was that families with higher income which afford to hire maids, will have more times to go out to work and earn more, and vice versa.

Are our systems built to help the less fortunate?

***
These findings were coupled with the article I read on Malaysiankini on the health service in the rural area in Sarawak. While the urban dwellers are so blessed with high-end medical devices and hospital facilities, villagers in the interior of Borneo has to walk hours by foot just to go to a clinic. If the medical condition get serious, the only way, other than laying to death, is to fly them off to hospitals in town such as Miri. Yet even that, the contractor has failed to fulfill their contract in providing helicopter service. Upon reaching the hospital (if they successfully do), some villagers face the rejection from the hospital as they do not have identity cards. Remember, they live in rural area which is far far away from the National Registration Department, and might not even know how to get there. Yet for those that managed to receive medical assistance, who will help them to pay the bills?

Indeed, these are the people that are 'long forgotten by the nation 46 years after their independence from British rule', as the writer puts it.

One story on unequal distribution of wealth in the world of humankind, and another one on the unequal treatment of social welfare to people who are all being called the same - Malaysians.

I understand neither of them.

Cowhead bloodshed is to be condemned!

2009-08-30T01:13:00.004+08:00

This is barbarian. I can't believe that this is happening to my country.

Paraphrasing Yasmin Ahmad, 'Someone please wake me up from this nightmare and tell me it's not true and it doesn't happen in my country'

No greater religious offence is than to downgrade one's deity publicly.

Does the fact that you're a 80% majority means the religious rights of the 20% minority shall not be protected?

Does the fact that Islam is the official religion of the country means that the existence of other religion shall be suppressed?

We Malaysians are so narrow minded that we can't even allow 'anOTHER' to co-exist.

Convocation

2009-08-14T10:25:00.002+08:00

Convocation is finally here!

Tomorrow, 3.00 pm at Dewan Tunku Canselor, Universiti Malaya.

My Convo Message sounds: To God be the Glory, To YOU be my many thanks.

Indeed no words can express my gratefulness to you. Yes YOU. Tomorrow will not happen without you.

Welcome to join me on the joyous event! (will be out at 5 pm)

The cronicle of my name(s)

2009-07-17T00:33:00.002+08:00

薇
苇

艾薇
ai wei
ivy

ai wei!!!
Ai Wei
薇(啊!)
ai wei...
ivy
wei...
AI WEI

Ivy

Political secretary found dead

2009-07-16T19:46:00.002+08:00

Today's lastest headlines: Sri Kembangan Assemblymen's political secretary dead at MACC

The news is not much different from the many recent chains of political scandals, only thing is that this time, someone's LIFE is involved.

It's still uncertain why is this happening. Does he committed suicide due to some unspeakable reason? Or is this another dark plot that we the commoner can only imagine through what the dramas potray?

I admit that my daily work emotion has been shaken albeit. It doesn't really concern me, after all my current given task now is none other than to set up a contact database for the team. Yet it DOES concern me, not just as a DAP employee but more importantly a Rakyat Malaysia.

It makes one wonder, how dirty can politics get? It makes me wonder, how does one continue the fight for a better Malaysia in such corrupted environment?

I was asked this morning whether the recent scandals are true. Yet, who can know the truth? Who can understand the truth? Who can be sure, that what he thinks is truth, is really true?

Guess only by the discretion from Above. And may we find strength in fighting for what we believe in.

The Squatters

2009-07-02T22:24:00.004+08:00

(Picture courtesy by Miss Pek Bee Hong)

A substantial amount of my time at work has been spent on the squatters issue. It is a main and frequent issue in Penang, due to the limited land that we have.

Yesterday and today morning were spent visiting the squatters area. I managed to contact one of the residents to be our guide. What welcome us next was, to my surprise, a quiet path with tree growing messily besides it. As we walk down the road, i met vegetation farms and orchards. We visitted every houses, they are simple, but most of them includes a big compound in front of the door. A river flow across the land, which, according to one of the residents, was their childhood natural playground before some families start raising pigs and pollute the water.

One step away from the entrance, is another world that is full of high rise buildings, hotels, and 'classy' neighbourhood.

A few months later, this place would see yet another building emerging, and perhaps, a new landmark that will goes down the history.

It was the story of the last generation, how they settled down on land that they didn't own, and how their children multiply from a registered house to many unregistered houses. As the places are to be demolished, what would the story of the next generation be like? Who, would remember this place anymore? Once the bulldozers are in, it will be gone forever.

Yet all these sentiments would not save the place from the demand of development. Undeniably, building new apartments boost the economic growth of the state and country, providing job opportunities, allowing companies to have higher spending power which will eventually contribute to the society. Failing these, we'll lose out and will be of under advantage compare to others countries.

It is similar in the cases of people choosing cellular phones despite reports on the danger of radiation to human's health.

Perhaps, this is the path the we the human races has chosen. And as we chose it, we soon realize that we can't stop choosing it anymore.

We chose to evolve, but do we know how?

Today

2009-06-14T23:45:00.003+08:00

Mark the completion of my first week as an MP intern. :)

As some of you might have known, i am currently attached to MP Bukit Bendera Office as an intern, thanks to the attachment programme anchored by PJ Utara MP Tony Pua, and Rachel who told me about it.

Why? First of course I believe that this would be an invaluable experience in life, if not a great opportunity to learn and explore the political arena of the country. I wanted to come out from my shell, in which I criticize about injustice and bad governance, and get a feel on the real ground.

It started off with a 'Penang Outlook Forum' which aimed to offer a new blueprint for the state development. I then attended a workshop on Gender Equality, a talk on media freedom, a meeting on housing development, and two dinners. The highlight of the week would be the welcoming of Singapore Minister Mentor, Mr Lee Kuan Yew. It earned me a ticket to go in the the CM's office together with the press. Too bad the day was photographically quite unsuccessful, but I guess I was fortunate enough! :P

Basically I followed my 'tauke', YB Liew Chin Tong around. It was first quite frightening at first to be in the presence of the many big shots, but slowly I learnt to confidently approach them and humbly learn from them (when chances arise), at the same time respecting their wisdom and experience. The rest of the time, in fact most of the time, I helped out in the service center. There were many issues involving a wide range of people, from the old to the young, the educated to the uneducated, the reasonable, to the unreasonable. It definitely a different kind of office work. Well, that's politic for you :)

Whether I would get involve in politic in the future, it is still uncertain. My underlined principle for my future undertaking is simple: I want to make the world a better place, and I do acknowledge the influence a leader has on the people, how the use (or misuse) of power can affect the lives of many. Yet, ultimately the GOD factor has to be considered to determine which path to choose.

The fact that I come a science background generated a lot of curiosity in the people i meet. Once Carol, the Chief of Staff of YB Liew, cheekily helped me to answer: She wants change! and I responded jokingly: for myself, or for the country?

Both, maybe.

~~~

Today is also my first Sabbath after the attachment. I intentionally kept in rather 'apolitical'. As I was feeling a little empty inside and wonder what is lacking, I decided to turn on some music and do some strecthing, something that I haven't been doing for a long time. Ah, it filled the holes in this soul!

And tomorrow would be a new week. Hope it would get more and more wonderful!

Penang No Plastic Day

2009-06-11T00:34:00.003+08:00

The food seller in the state official event used polystrene!!! This was a month before the announcement that every Monday is gonna be the No-Plastic day for Penang starting from July onwards. Ignorance of organising commitee? miscommunication? I'm not sure.

Nevertheless, i was very thrilled to receive the news and take pride that Penang is the first State to get down to its feet to pay responsibility to care for OUR environment. Of course, more need to be done and it shouldn't just stop at plastics, and Mondays. However, ultimately it is the mindset of the people that has to be changed. Man has done much harm to the earth therefore if we do not start 'repenting' and be environment-conscious, we're only paving the path to our own death. As the CM has pointed out, reducing usage of plastics are hoped to reduce the State's expenditure on solid waste management. Thus, it is not just of ecological interest but also of economic interest. So my dear economists (economists-to-be), stop calling us (the science students) freak! :P

The Press Statement of the CM

and for UMers, if you claimed that you are studying in the premier university of Malaysia (and have felt unhappy on the election of USM as ApexU), time to consider ways to make your campus a true UMcare campus. Let me humbly brief you on the situation in 12th College. Since then it has worsened to even the usage of polystrene plates AND cups for dining in. This is ridiculous.

I admit that I feel tempted to use polystrene from time to time. Admitedly, it is not convenient to bring own container around, and it is hard (still) to find stalls that don't pack in polystrene. I've also tried very hard in reducing in air-con usage especially in this exceptionally hot season. Yet, let us learn, and relearn, along the way, together.

Nice to meet you, Mr CM!

2009-06-10T23:03:00.007+08:00

Well i do not fancy the idea of being labeled fanatic, but this new head of Penang certainly has his undeniable charisma! I was still in KL when YAB Lim Guan Eng was sworn in as the Chief Minister of Penang following the 308 election. Thus, I started by hearing about him (and the things he does in and for Penang) from a distance instead of seeing him. Upon returning to Penang, I caught hold of an opportunity to shoot (pictures of) him in the opening ceremony of Canon Penang Service Center.

Unfortunately, due to inexperience with SLR and the negligence of 'the more experienced one', all the pictures turn blur as the result of mis-setting to manual focusing. Hence what i got are a whole stacks of blur images of the CM.

I think this could be a nice picture, both aesthetically and sentimentally, if only the lion can be sharpened. I said sentimentally because YAB Lim has often been potrayed as 'Englishman' due to his education and his faith, and this is interesting for him to be framed up with one of the oldest Chinese tradition. :)

Mr CM, you can do it! :)

Another opportunity arised again during the Penang DragonBoat Festival. This time, i learnt my lesson :P

Finally a decent one.

and I got quite near.

Yet I wouldn't say these two are well taken. I believed that he has too many these kind of potraits from the press. I believed that good potraits are taken with subjects that are most dear to their hearts.

And I missed it! At one time he actually carried his young son down from the stage, but i wasn't fast enough as i SO happen to be taking a break to get a drink. Darn.

Anyway, a few interesting pictures i've gotten along the way.

At the Canon opening: the secret agenda of canon :P

The dragonboats before the match. Can you note the subtle joke? (You gotta refer to the Bible for this) :P

And I caught two 'naughty' birds doing 'things'. Hehe. It was taken on the way back from, supposingly, Penanti during the recent by-election nomination day. Well, guess the trip was still worth it though I didn't manage to go to Penanti as planned, at least i've gotten this pic!

Post exam spree!!! Part 1

2009-05-02T14:05:00.008+08:00

The torturing exam week is finally over! Whatmore, it was my final exam of my whole university life! In fact, unless i take up a master degree by coursework, that would probably be the last exam in my life!

I thanked God that this semester Microbiology paper ended unusually early. This semester has been an crazily busy one for me. So much so that i've lose touch with many friends. So, instead of flying home directly after exam like in the past, i've long planned to stay back in KL, hoping 'redeem' some of the 'regrets' of this semester.

My chance come just a day after exam when my coursemates ajak to go waterfalling at Sg Gabai.

Thanks to Sharazmie and Amir, nine of us manage to reached there safely by a rather comfortable car ride.

It was noon time when we reached. After the malay friends finished their prayer, we helped ourselves with the everyone's all time favorite --KFC which Amir had picked up along the way.

Then the real journey starts. The waterfall is situated at a much higher ground, so there were quite some stairs awaiting us to 'conquer'.

The scene at the waterfall was refreshing! Within a few minutes, everyone is down in the water except Mastura who volunteered to keep guard of our belongings. The ground beneath the water was rather rocky :that was Ros and Hui Yen helping each other to reach the middle of the fall. Mariam, fondly known as Mayo, threw the ball in the air the moment i snap. I'm glad that i was able to capture this before she ran out of my frame excitedly :P.

Amir spent a good deal of time playing prank on the girls. The picture is the evidence! haha. Poor Mayo being dragged into the water.

We all had fun.

At the waterfall there's a part where the rocks are so smooth that u can slide down from a higher to a lower pool. Nature is amazing!

I wonder, of the natural observations that are around us, which are by the doing of the hand of God,

and which are by the intervention of the hand of men?

(fitri and amir are really good in this vertical rock arranging!)

As we are on our way home, we dropped by a hotspring behind a religious school. It is said that the water is good for the skin, and we all gave it a try! :)

The 'hot' legs after the soaking.

We ended our trip by visiting the look-out point which provide a good view of KL. I liked this picture very much, for i think it captures the characteristics of each person: Hui Yen with her chubby 'V' pose, Amir with the ever cheeky look, Mastura and Mayo who are full of expression and energy, mak ros who often the more careful and 'disciplined' in the group adjusting her tudung, Shahlan looking cool and calm, Fitri looking carefree, and Mie with his 'attempt' to berlagak.

Thanks for the wonderful trip, frens!

the morning joke

2009-04-28T13:42:00.002+08:00

It happened this morning.

Roomie, lazing on her bed: Hey, i think we got that same pair of JEANS!

Me, trying hard to study my notes: (thinking) How would she knows that we got the same GENES?

Gosh! it's saturating my mind!

my final Finals

2009-04-24T11:15:00.002+08:00

Now that i got rid of the Pathogen, now i can freely speak French.

The real challenge has yet to come. I'd need to shred some thoughts on how to make better (and more) Food out of the Land, and then face the most potent hurdle: the Virus.

It'll soon come to an end, with some doses of Antibiotics, and the Law that regulates it all.

Lol.

At the end of Year 2008...

2009-04-11T22:10:00.003+08:00

We took an alternative shot on the UM 2008 signboard before the '8' was substituted with '9'Think it was easy? Well, basically what we did was: set up the camera on a correct angle and at a correct location (by using leaves as mark), a test shot to make sure all is right, then run into position and stick our heads as low as they almost touched the ground, and bear a few bewildered looks from the passer-bys. :P

A brilliant idea of Ben. And that was how we ended our year 2008

Bittersweet

2009-03-17T00:04:00.005+08:00

'Is this a comfort food?'

Ya, he answered straightforwardly, not knowing why I asked.

I asked him what he thinks about girls that like dark chocolates.

'Dark chocolate is bittersweet', he commented, 'it must stand on its own, with neither milk nor sugar to mask its taste. Likewise I believe you are a person who, whether or not by choice, begs to be known, appreciated and loved for who you are. Dark chocolate has a bold, distinct character - and so do you.'

In the midst of searching for my own identity, I sometimes find my self intertwined with dark chocolates: lying on the shelf feeling unappreciated, and constantly resisting the urge of outstanding other more popular chocolates. Loved by a few yet shunned by many, sometimes maintain the pride of being different, yet at times tried too hard to be more acceptable and to be included in the 'mainstream'.

I wonder, did i found dark chocolates, or did it found me? =)

The 'Green' Serpent

2009-03-16T02:08:00.002+08:00

"then they journeyed from Mount Hor by the Way of the Red Sea, to go around the land of Edom; and the soul of the people became very discouraged on the way. And the people spoke against God and against Moses: 'Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no food and no water, and our soul loathes this worthless bread.'

So the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and many of the people of Israel died. Therefore the people came to Moses, and said, "We have sinned, for we have spoken against the LORD and against you; pray to the LORD that He take away the serpents from us." So Moses prayed for the people. Then the LORD said to Moses, 'Make a fiery serpent, and set it on the pole; and it shall be that everyone who is bitten, when he looks at it, shall live."

So Moses made a bronze serpent, and put it on a pole; and so it was, if a serpent had bitten anyone, when he looked at the bronze serpent, he lived."

Numbers 21:4-9

Meet my new snake ABBIE :)

Silent February

2009-03-16T02:04:00.000+08:00

Yet not so silent in the blogger's life...

She'll be back =)

Transition =)

2009-01-03T14:55:00.002+08:00

Another year is dawning, dear Father, let it be
In working or in waiting, another year with Thee.

Another year of progress, another year of praise,
Another year of proving Thy presence all the days.

Another year of mercies, of faithfulness and grace,
Another year of gladness in the shining of Thy face;

Another year of leaning upon Thy loving breast;
Another year of trusting, of quiet, happy rest.

Another year of service, of witness for Thy love,
Another year of training for holier work above.

Another year is dawning, dear Father, let it be
On earth, or else in heaven, another year for Thee.

-Frances Havergal, 1874

First Passage of the Year

2009-01-01T10:17:00.005+08:00

1Keep your Creator in mind while you are young! In years to come, you will be burdened down with troubles and say, "I don't enjoy life anymore."2Someday the light of the sun and the moon and the stars will all seem dim to you. Rain clouds will remain over your head. 3Your body will grow feeble, your teeth will decay, and your eyesight fail. 4The noisy grinding of grain will be shut out by your deaf ears, but even the song of a bird will keep you awake. 5You will be afraid to climb up a hill or walk down a road. Your hair will turn as white as almond blossoms. You will feel lifeless and drag along like an old grasshopper. We each go to our eternal home, and the streets are filled with those who mourn. 6The silver cord snaps, the golden bowl breaks; the water pitcher is smashed, and the pulley at the well is shattered. 7So our bodies return to the earth, and the life-giving breath ^[a] returns to God. 8Nothing makes sense. I have seen it all-- nothing makes sense.

Respect and Obey God

9I was a wise teacher with much understanding, and I collected a number of proverbs that I had carefully studied. 10Then I tried to explain these things in the best and most accurate way.

11Words of wisdom are like the stick a farmer uses to make animals move. These sayings come from God, our only shepherd, and they are like nails that fasten things together. ^[b] 12My child, I warn you to stay away from any teachings except these. There is no end to books, and too much study will wear you out. 13Everything you were taught can be put into a few words:

Respect and obey God!

This is what life is all about.

14God will judge everything we do, even what is done in secret, whether good or bad.

-Ecclesiastes 12 (Comtemporary English Version)

What a passage! A reminder at the start of the race. Happy New Year 2009!

At the end of Year 2008

2008-12-31T19:32:00.001+08:00

You are leaving.

Thanks! You have been good to me.

Gonna miss you forever =)

God bless ye merry gentlemen...

2008-12-23T19:07:00.004+08:00

went out for Christmas shopping today :)

Managed to get quite a few in my list ticked, so that also means that my Christmas bills are tolling up :/

Christmas brings about many meaningful messages, and one of them that appears to me very deeply this year is that it is a season of giving even when it hurts (your pocket, especially). It is the end of the year, time when bills need to be cleared, accounts need to be balanced. For a student like me, study loan has not been bank in yet, what more, that my family is experiencing some financial constraint lately.

A typical chinese mentality would says that it is a hassle to give gifts, why not angpau? practical as the person can buy whatever he/she wants, and avoid letting the businessmen earn the interest. For me though it is indeed a brain-cracking process, it is about taking the effort to know what the person needs/likes, and I truly find joy in doing it.

Another things I've learnt over years is the principle of 'freely given, freely receive'. I've learnt that the act of giving and choosing what to give, is fundamentally, and should remained to be, by the move of the Spirit. It is not about repaying what you receive, like the chinese proverbs that says '礼尚往来, 来而不往非礼也' (if u dun give a gift back as return to the giver, it is no manners). For years, my family have been giving Christmas gifts based on that principle, so it was a mixed feeling when we get gift from unexpected giver. Eventually, it has become a sort of ritual instead of what that was genuinely given. We're all tired of that. Please don't misunderstand me, I DO really appreciate all the gifts I received. Likewise, I've grown to learn not to expect gifts as i give.

***

Christmas this year is really unusual for me and my family. It is definitely not Church-y, and no caroling-run-around for the first time in our six year Christmas night. The only scheduled party is the P&C family dinner which will happen on the Eve, of course untill last night when i got an invitation from a friend for tonight. As saddening as it might suggest, i think i'm enjoying it so far, the silent, low profile merry little Christmas, and is starting to unlearn and learn about the true meaning of Christmas.

Event, happenings, and home

2008-12-21T23:16:00.006+08:00

Went for MPO Lord of the Ring Symphony Concert last nite. Ben would tell you how overwhelmed he felt about gathering such a big crowd to attend the event and having 90 tickets booked under his name(first time in his life!). Shannon has an amazing record of roping more than 30 people in. Well i had my small little success too. Called along a bunch of frens. Saja saja over the lunch table. Some of them called along their frens. And i didn't notice that they're all guys untill the day itself. Thus i was called the 'tai ka cheh' (big sis) of the gang :)

The concert was GREAT.

***

Bus to home was at 7.30 am this morning.
Got up at 5.30am.
Last round of packing and shifting.
Breakfast, and reached the station on time.
and yet i MISSED the bus!!!

There were three of us in the company, we waited at the front of the building, but none of us saw the bus leaving. No honks. No calling from the bus attendent.

Nothing else can be done. So we gotta get new bus tickets from Pudu. In between we waited at McD for an hour and more.

I really thank God for Luke. for the accompaniment and also for being such a gentleman to carry my luggage around (I only realize at later of the day that it is really heavy!).

***

Reaching home finally feels good.

First thing that make me happy is to see the christmas deco on the door, especially after hearing that my parents do not have any intention to have elaborated Christmas celebration this year. For the young and the old, the weak and the strong, the rich and the poor, those in good times or bad times; Christmas is here!

Hershey looked so happy to see me. I was certainly thrilled to see her again! She's looking more fluffy now, and have apparently enjoying her new Garden-lifestyle.

Shifting in to my new house allows me to have a bigger bed and a room with more privacy. I have only spent a few nights here the last time i came back for the house shifting. It's good that it's left neatly, untouched, if not somebody would have gotten scoldings from me! :P

Curry mee, Hokkien mee, Dad's coffee and sweet potato's soup, Him Heang's tau sar pheah and muruku for lunch.

Long chat with my mum, catching up and updating.

Dinner at our family favourite place :D

Pick up Chern Chern. He has grown so much!

Play my piano. Was just trying to get my fingers moving and get some vivace rush. Ah, that's what most Baroque pieces can offer.

And the day has ended. Simple and Sweet.

***

oh by the way i received a lovely Christmas gift today. A very thoughtful and heartwarming one in my opinion. Thanks :)

(u might want to know that blue and silver is my personal Christmas code. Yes, definitely not green and red. And yes, even more than purple)

The Great Shift

2008-12-17T09:27:00.006+08:00

Again.

It was only a month ago when we gotta do this

D634. I'm finding shelter in you again.

A new phase of my journey with you, Lord
May my new semester be.
Just a pinch of fear, of the uncertainty.
But I leave it all in Your hand,
trusting Your love, grace and soveriegnty.
Guess that's the ONLY way for worries to cease.

7 ways to buy happiness

2008-12-09T02:23:00.002+08:00

When the title flashed through my screen. I thought it's another piece of junk preaching how materials can bring you happiness, or some sort of self promoting advertisment. Yet i clicked in out of curiosity and was quite surprised with what i read. Not only it's not as what i've thought, it is also highly scientific and convincing, and even more, most of it are parallel to what Christians believe.

They proposed seven smart ways to spend your money. Learn well :)

1. Relationships

Friends, Romans, countrymen, kids and spousal units: Studies indicate we're happiest when we feel connected to others. People with strong relationships tend to be happier and healthier, and live longer on average, according to psychologist Martin Seligman and many other researchers.

How can you invest more in these bonds of family and friendship? Splurge on a plane ticket to see your best friend. Get your buddies together and buy season tickets to your favorite team -- or the opera. Treat a friend to dinner.

After all, what would really make your month -- another pair of shoes from Piperlime or spending time with someone you love?

2. Time

Would you trade some of the money you make to have more time? A survey by Fortune magazine indicated most people would. Time is one asset that always seems to be in short supply; a free hour or two (or an unexpected day off) can feel like a windfall.

To buy yourself some time:

As part of a raise or promotion, ask for additional time off.

Explore flex-time options. A surprising number of companies support flexible work programs.

Consider paying others to do the chores you loathe because they eat up your time, from hiring a teen to do yardwork to paying a pro to do your taxes, paint the kitchen or organize the garage.

For a little bit of money, you can regain a chunk of your life.

3. Health

Some good health can be chalked up to genetics, but a lot of the rest is lifestyle. And buying good health is a lot like investing in the stock market: Steady investments at regular intervals are the best way to see big gains.

A few suggestions: Pay a bit more to join the gym that's closer to where you work, so you'll actually use it. Shell out for biweekly acupuncture visits. Buy the pricier healthful meal instead the Happy Meal. And take your vitamins.

4. Learning

Humans are born to grow. Research by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced "CHIK-sent-mee-high"), who created the concept of 'flow'-- the state of wholly contented absorption in a task -- suggests we are often happiest when engaged in activities that challenge us and hold our focus.

You've been there: when you played in that garage band, when you went scuba diving on vacation, when you determinedly embarked on "War and Peace" and then couldn't put it down. Put your money there.

Buy the damn compact disc set so you can brush up on your Mandarin. Join the local archaeology club and do local digs. Try rock climbing. Or put away your air guitar and restart that garage band. You don't need to spend much to notice the uptick in sheer joie de vivre.

5. Debt relief

Owing money downgrades your quality of life, creating so much stress that it may even make you sick or depressed, according to some studies.

Stop viewing your credit card bills as bad news; instead, treat them like updates on an underperforming asset class. By doubling or tripling your monthly payments, cutting back spending and doing everything in your power to bring your debts down to zero, you won't just be paying a bill -- you'll be increasing your own net worth.

6. Giveaways

A surprise benefit of giving to others, or to a cause you believe in, is how good it makes you feel.

Studies show that altruism not only tickles the feel-good centers in the brain, but it also creates a sense of social bonding and mutual support that enhances your personal well-being.

You don't have to give millions to get that payoff. The most important thing isn't whether you spend money or volunteer time or contribute goods, but that whatever you share -- and however you share it -- means a lot to you.

Read to kids after school; bring canned food to a shelter; ... help a South African woman build her business. There are countless ways to give. Just pick one that makes you happy.

7. Security

In an economic crisis like this one, it's tempting to stop putting money aside for the long term, but taking the reins of your future will make you feel more in control now and will beef up that cushion you might need someday.

A first step is to sign up for your company retirement plan (many Americans don't) or open an individual retirement account. At some companies, such as Fidelity, you can open an account with very little money as long as you set up automatic contributions.

Retirement is a huge topic. Making small, steady investments now can create double happiness: peace of mind now and greater wealth down the road.

Here's the real magic: When you start putting more money toward life (and less toward stuff), that shift quickly turns your financial picture from upside down to right side up. You spend less, but get more -- and in feeling more satisfied, reduce your desire to spend.

The net effect is more money saved, less debt and a sense of financial control and well-being -- oh, and more happiness. Now that's what I call getting your money's worth.

The random bible-flipping method

2008-12-08T23:41:00.002+08:00

When i was a young christian i used to like flipping bible randomly for scriptures to ask from 'sign' from God. Yes, it's dangerous so DO NOT imitate :) Some of u might have even heard the story a man who did that to seek God's will and found the verse 'So Judas went out and hang himself'. In his bewilderment he seek for a confirmation, and he found the verse 'whatever you ought to do, do it quickly' :D

The thing is that God does not ALWAYS work by miracles and wonders, but in fact most of the time through circumstances and people. Yet oddly enough, this flipping method seems to work well for me recently. Was finding my way to Corinthians when i was shown Isaiah 30: 15-17

'The holy LORD GOD of Israel had told all of you, "I will keep you safe if you turn back to me and calm down. I will make you strong if you quietly trust me." Then you stubbornly said, "No! We will saely escape on speedy horses." But those who chase you will be even faster. As few as five of them, or even one, will be enough to chase a thousand of you. Finally, all that will be left will be a few survivors as lonely as a flagpole on a barren hill.'

I was certainly blessed by it. A few days later, (again finding my ways to Corinthians i think) i was shown Jeremiah 17:5-11

'I, the LORD, have put a curse on those who turn from me and trust in human strength. They will dry up like a bush in salty desert soil, where nothing can grow, But I will bless those who trust me. They will be like trees growing beside a stream - trees with roots that reach down to the water, and with leaves that are always green. They bear fruit every year and are never worried by alack of rain. You people of Judah are so deceitful that you even fool yourselves, and you can't change. But i know your deeds and your thoughts, and I will make sure you get what you deserve. You cheated others, but everything you gained will fly away, like birds hatched from stolen eggs, Then you will discover what fools you are.'

What strikes me most is that my bible version, the contemporary english version, had the subtitles 'trust the LORD' for both the passages. God is speaking. What a great reminder!

unbloggable blog

2008-12-07T15:06:00.002+08:00

Looking back to my entries i realized that i more often blog about my struggles and unhappy experiences than the wonderful moments that i treasure and cherish. Reason being two: One will never have as strong an urge to write down good things as he/she will when bad things happen and there was no where for u to release the frustrations unless through this electronic invention. (ok at least it's true for this blog which served me well in this).

Secondly, happy moments are mostly described best through pictures. And if u know that i've just recently invested in a new camera (which sadly not functioning at the moment), u'll also understand that i've been depending on my friends for the copy of pictures, which will normally come much later!

Perhaps i can add another excuse, that is that happy moments are always been blogged about by the friends that i shared it with! So it's not really neccessary to blog about it anymore :P

So maybe it's a good sign that i haven't been blogging. That means i'm quite enjoying my life at this moment.

and as i'm wrapping up this entry, i got an invitation to go to STM. So i'm heading to Seremban now. So random! guess my bacteria can wait for a day :P

Chern Chern

2008-11-22T21:42:00.002+08:00

paid chern chern a visit in the hospital. That poor baby got the germs from his elder brother and sister, fell sick and even got asthma :( After being taken care of by his house maid for a few days, he shys away from his usual babysitter (my mum) and her family at first. However, after we took him for a little walk, he showed his true color once again and start hugging and kissing billy *hearts* :) What a heartwarming moment!

On a side note, something went wrong for my new camera and it's currently not working. Yes, my one week old camera!*argh* I took this with my camera phone. Too bad it was loading so slow and was full of memory... So only that was what i managed to take. The kid was far too active for the camera. and the photographer. Haha. Shall be more ready next time.

2008-11-21T21:19:00.003+08:00

a friend blogged about a picture that i took.

feel that he has exaggerated the compliment la... but still feel very happy... hehe.

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/AhGuang/25258072

Imago Dei

2008-11-12T14:53:00.003+08:00

... "God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and
female he created them" (Genesis 1:27). Imago Dei is the Latin expression of the biblical hope that we are made in the "image of God." To a world cruelly obsessed with appearance, such an idea seems foreign at best, perhaps even unhelpful...

...If we will plumb the depths of what it means to be made in the image of God, we discover the implications are far-reaching. It is reminiscent of Aslan's response in Prince Caspian: "'You come of the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve,' said Aslan. 'And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor in earth.'" We are bearers of the image of God, made with the intention and care of the Father. To live as children made in his image is not a static hope, but an active calling to reflect our maker. Even so, it is a calling we fail to answer, a reflection that has become blurred. The image of God in humanity is an image tarnished by sin. We have been made in his image, but it is an image that needs his restoring touch.

When Jesus healed the ten leprous men who approached him outside of Jerusalem, he restored wholeness and health to a group of ailing men. He removed the affects of a fallen world and made clearer the image of God in each man. Yet, only one was transformed by the touch of the savior; the man threw himself at Jesus's feet and praised God. Though ten were healed
of leprosy, Jesus only noted the restoration of one: "Rise and go; your faith has made you well" (Luke 17:19).

God's transforming work among us moves beyond what ails us to the heart of our illnesses. While diseases can be healed, scars removed, and flaws corrected, these things do not change the heart that needs to be transformed...

Being made in the image of God is not about maintaining a flawless facade, a perfect record, or even a life without scars. All the power of God that raised him from the dead did not erase the scars left by the Roman nails. The marks of suffering were not removed. The resurrected Christ, the perfect image of God, chose to keep the scars of the Cross. It is his image we are being made to reflect. And we are called to come as we are.

What the leprous man recognized in Christ was enough to bring him to his feet in worship. It is this image that continues to erect the heads of the poorest beggars and bow the shoulders of the greatest emperors. It was the image of Christ that made its way into the insecurities of some in
my youth group. Though there was "nothing in his appearance that we should desire him," he lived as one touched by another kingdom, obedient to the Father even unto death. In Christ, God supersedes every longing and pain, every sin and scar, with a face that won’t go away. It is this image within us, this image we were made to reflect. Imago Dei is the
hopeful commission to become more like the one we follow. It is the cry
within us to be who we are: children made in the image of the Most
High.

-Jill Cartinni, A Slice of Infinity, Ravi Zecharias International Ministries

Personal Notes: Just the day after I was pondering about words like radiance, beauty, acceptance, love, and deserves(or not).

My Birthday Chronicle

2008-11-09T23:58:00.016+08:00

Dedicating this to all my dear friends.

My birthday chronicle continues as I come back to KL. Thanks to my lovely bunches of friends.

Visitors from Faraway

I always know that I’ve got wonderful ‘family’ and ‘neighbours’ from Camp Cameron 2007. It has been almost a year and a half and yet they failed to forget this friend and her birthday. All the way from UPM they’ve come few days before my birthday. Ben and I have a common friend who called him along to be our official photographer :) Went to Murni for a meal, then proceed to my college to hangout, when they pour out a whole bag of chocolates from Langkawi :) Luke brought this bible card game in which we had to try to arrange the cards (they each represent one book of the bible) according to the correct sequence. Such a ‘holy’ card game :P Ern Seang was busy peeping into his bible. Only Ben and Luke confidently know it. The rest of us just go by luck. Nevertheless, it was fun and it really helped us to memorize the bible book sequence. The lesson learnt is that we ought to read our bible more :P

***

My Birthday Getaway
It was my last day before stepping in to 'adulthood', so i decided to take a trip out alone to find my ‘oasis’ and spent sometime alone with God. Have thought about it for since long time ago, which is why I was determined to get my new camera the day before this. Coincidently Ben suggested a whacky idea of one day-camera exchanging. So I shot with his DSLR instead :P Thanks Ben for trusting me :) God gave extra than what i asked for.

Met my coursemate on the way out to LRT station, who offered me a ride. That was like the first best thing that happened to me in the journey. God is good! Took the LRT to Pasar Seni, visited Central Market, a place that I’ve been curious about.

Took Jalan Hang Kasturi (I think) down to the historical Dataran Merdeka. Along the way I saw this foreigner couples who also carried an SLR and looking so pro and cool. It occurred to me the people might think the same on me. Lol. While the truth is that I’m nearly a camera fool :P

These buildings have so much aesthetic value that I can’t get my eyes away from them :)

Just as I was thinking to myself that I had quite enough of the buildings and should look for some crowds, this huge bus stop by and there came down a big bunch of tourists. They were all so excited about the destination and so hyped up about taking pictures. That just made my day. Sometimes, we had taken what we had for granted that we do not learn to appreciate it.

And I entertain myself by taking pictures of these excited tourists taking pictures. God listens to prayer!

Was trying to imitate the classic postcard picture of the Sultan Abdul Samad building. Apparently it wasn’t very successful :P

The sun was passionately bright, making the sky so dramatic, and making me feeling so loved. :)

The photographer won’t ‘rest in peace’ without getting her face into the picture :)

***

Burfday Blast!
Later at night, I was at a birthday eve blast with my beloved PKV bros and sis. There were 23 of us in total! Ben had warned me that I would be seeing a interesting combination of people, and I was very surprised (and happy!) to see some faces such as long-time-no-see seniors Kok How and Joy, people I haven’t been closely keeping in touch like Jonathan and Dennis, and fresh juniors like Hyma, Melanie, Jason, Lydia and Sue May.

Got a beautiful sunflower as present. Love it to bits! Thanks babe!

First came the cake and the picture taking session.

Then comes the beer! They were making me drink! I almost fainted on the spot. What a thing to do to a birthday girl who just turned 21!

My birthday prayer: that they will change their mind. It didn’t come true XD

So I gobbled down the whole bottle and turn into Rudolph reindeer No. 2 later. First time ever in my life I do such a crazy and wild thing. Cheers to the microbiologist who fermented it.

And yup, my Hannah darling fed my face with cake!

After the dinner some of them stayed on, blind folded me and make me walk around SS2, finally led me to the fish spa foot massage shop. But it was quite a disappointment when we were told that I can't do it because I recently got a wound on my ankle :( Nevertheless, I really enjoyed the night and truly appreciate all of you, especially those that had put so much effort in planning.

“If we hadn’t met, my life wouldn’t be what it is today…”

So is mine :)

***

Sermon on the birthday Sunday.

The worship leader recited this:

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: ‘For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.’ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:35-39)

And sang this (over and over again):

When the ocean rise
And thunder roars
I will soar with You
Above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still
Know You are God

The speaker speaks on ‘Rejoice in tribulations’.

And tell story about how an eagle was killed by his prey (gruesome!) because he refuse to let it go.

A reminder to the birthday girl :)

Then I asked my pastor to pray over me a pastoral blessing. She must have thought that I was responding to the altar call to receive Christ. I wonder how many people would actually do likewise on their birthdays :P but oh well, Jacob fought for his blessing… keke.

***

Churhmates and the giant basket of tea
Lunch session was done in Wongkok café as they give this super gigantic milk tea to the birthday star :)

That's Quan Hziung, Joe and Thomas busy checking out the menu.

Joshua happily talking away and Gerard looking blur as ever :P

And we've got the brothers. James and Kenny
Vincent, Yee Mun and I. Yee Mun was the only girl there and I was glad to have her as company :)

***
So birthday is over. But life has just begun :D

And exam is still coming. :P

Thanks to God on high and all of you. *loves*hugs*

the Cut, the Key, the Girl

2008-11-02T21:03:00.012+08:00

"that's for the one cut u bore 21 years ago"

that's what i told my mum when she thanked me for the meal.

***

My mum went through a C-section when she was laboring me. You were THAT lazy, to even make a turn. That's what she always said as i grew up :P I was the long waited one, four years after their marriage, and i've always heard about what happen in between and how the whole extend families leap for joy when i finally arrived in the family :)

Mum said Dad bought the first family camera when i was born. He first ventured into videographing when i first stepped on the stage during my primary school years for the story-telling competition. Well he never failed to take leave to be present for every competitions i took part and record it down, which kinda makes him the 'official' cameraman of my school :) Coincidently, the present that i asked for for my 21st birthday is a camera :)

***

21st birthdays are believed to be significant. It means that from now onwards you'll be seen as an adult. You're given the 'key' to freedom because you're old enough to take care of yourself and make your own decision in life :)

Yet sometimes i wonder, do i really want to be 'free'?

Yet sis thinks that i'm 'wild' enough that she wanted to get me a lock as present instead. Jahat.

***

I thought i want to appreciate my parents on this meaningful day. Heeding a friend's suggestion, i decided to give them a dinner treat. Not just for that one cut, but really, everything. Of course, it is not what a dinner can repay.

and it was a wonderful bbq steamboat buffet! :)

***

I thought that counts for birthday celebration but they surprised me again on the last day before i leave for kl.

Besides the awesome chocolate mint cake, we've got a sparkling juice, 'heavenly bite' ice cream, chipster, roller coaster and my favorite tau fu fa :)

The happy birthday gal said cheese :)

She tried to pose with a 21 and was figuring which is 21 and which is 12 :P

But she got it right eventually.

The Kwek Family. It's quite a rare event to have my parents do this funny pose.

My dog was there to celebrate my birthday too :)

My niece was 'taller' than me for once due to the 'chair bottom-up effect' :P

The two sisters happened to wear similar tops. Well actually she gave me the one i'm wearing. Mine says 'You can save the planet'. Hers said 'The harder u look...' not too sure what it means :P

My mum and I. We look much more alike than we thought we do :)

Thank You so much!

Fragments of Memories

2008-10-29T17:02:00.002+08:00

Everyday my history is expanding.

Today i have no where else to run but to face it and be the 'achaeologist' of myself. Mum has been urging me to deal with my stuffs before i leave for kl again as my family is shifting again. Shifting, to me means bringing forward, and leaving behind.

I have been procastinating, not only because it's gonna takes up a lot of time (and the fact tht i'm simply lazy:P), but also because i knew that it's gonna stirred up so much emotions in me and i might have to take even longer time to deal with it(ya, and that's why i'm blogging now).

As i flipped through the pieces that i've left and kept along the journey through space and time, it just brings back so much memories. Fragmented ones. Some are well preserved, some not. And like we always doubt the history that we're told, i wonder my past that was shown by that few articles was without bias.

Today i've seen my recent past again, most of them recalled my senior high school time. I rediscovered the boy i used to love, friends whom kept in touch, friends who are no longer friends. Peoples that crossed my path and shaped me into who i am today, what they meant to me back then. Words that had built me, incidents that set us apart. Relationships that might never be the same again. Faces that i might not even see again.

It's always a hard choice when it comes to cleaning up stuffs like this. Unlike clothes, i can't wear them for protection. Nor are they like money, which i can spend to get my provision. And they are increasing each day, as if one day they will be enough for a 'museum'. (lol...). Yet, it's JUST so hard to throw them away. In the end, i think i only managed to reluctantly throw less than a quarter of them.

Few days ago a curious friend tracked my old blog and claimed that he has discovered my past :P. Well I tailed him and rediscovered myself. Like those 'junks' that i kept, it is also a fragment that i left that connect me to myself in the past.

Above all else, i think i rediscover My passion. My devotion. My God.

chemical hazard?

2008-10-17T11:21:00.003+08:00

In today's lecture:

"Dihydrogen monoxide causes severe burns in gaseous form, and the solid form causes tissue damage in human. It is found to be excessive in tumor cells"

So do u think Dihydrogen monoxide should be banned or tightly regulated?

Give your opinion before you scroll down...

So what's Dihydrogen monoxide? WATER, lah! H2O...

Now replace the term with water and it'll all make complete sense.

Interesting how the choice of word can give such a different perception :)

weeps

2008-09-30T00:23:00.003+08:00

mum always says no frens should be trusted with secrets. i believed her.

untill my mindset was challenged by a christian session on relationships. It said friendships is about opening up and letting yourself to be vulnerable.

So, there was this once i told her (and her and her) about him. She told him, and came back to me with the facts about him that i didn't need to know. I was angry. We didn't talk much after that. Much later i found out that he was angry too.

He told me about the thing i knew long ago but chose to ignore. He was smart to realize the thing between us. I didn't know what to do, so i told him. I trusted him. Within two days he told her. and she told me that he told her about me and him.

I gave friendships another try. I want to enjoy it like i never do.

I thought i need to be accountable so that i won't do the wrong things.

I thought i shouldn't keep things to myself because the fact is that i can't do that and still stay sane.

But...

Y men just can't contain secrets?

It was, It is still

2008-09-28T23:07:00.003+08:00

Was flipping through my diary and found this:

4 Feb 2007, before the college prom night

I don't pray to be the prettiest girl,
I pray that i can be a beautiful angel.

I don't pray to be the brightest star,
I pray that i can be a great light.

I don't pray for appraisal,
I pray for confidence, knowing well my identity in You.

I don't pray for eyes that look around,
I pray for a steadfast heart.

I don't pray for my glamour,
I pray for your Glory.

A year plus down the road, it is still my prayer.

or is it? :)

Small things in life to thank God

2008-09-12T00:59:00.003+08:00

Landslide occurred at Pusat Asasi Sains, UM due to the recent heavy rains, blocking my daily route, which is a shortcut, to lectures!

I complained and complained cos now i need to take a longer route to class (which mean waking up earlier and reaching class being more tiresome). However, my mum shows a motherly relief when she knows that i'm safe from it. She said i should be thankful to God that i wasn't on the road when it happened.

I think she makes a good point! I haven't thought of that before this. I could have been in great danger if i was there that day. Yet, i just keep on complaining about the loss of comfort, forgetting to thank God for protecting me from the harm. Shame shame!

A reminder for me to be thankful always.

On my shelf left...

2008-08-16T14:37:00.003+08:00

One pack of grape juice. One pack of Maggi Mee. One toilet roll. One pair of contact lens. Finishing multi-purpose solution. Finishing facial cream. Finishing body spray. few sanitary pads. Finishing dishwashing paste. Spoiled water bottle.

It's funny that so many of my daily essentials are finishing at the same time. Not to mention those which are out of stock! It's significant especially i've reached the mid-sem break.

Maybe, just maybe, it's a sign that i shall start my second half of my semester fresh anew. First half has been great! =) But there are things that are better not to be brought over. Depressions, frusfrations, negative feelings, rebellions against God. No more! No more!

and i think those leftover are meant to sustain me before i can do my grocery :P

Thoughts on my new heading

2008-07-29T00:44:00.003+08:00

If there's anything i want to stop right now, it is TIME.

butterfly = beauty, freedom, and dream.

red-s and blue-s makes life wonderful. :)

It took me two years to realize...

2008-07-20T01:27:00.001+08:00

that science is like art- one can only take it far if he has a burning passion for it.

Everyone wish for a new start in the beginning of the new semester

2008-07-10T16:41:00.002+08:00

First week of the new semester.

The first thought that i had in mind when i was heading back to UM was, urgh, same things are gonna start over again. Yea, i'm back to my life as a student here (i always feel that i'm living two different lives, one in Penang and one in KL), back to my modest life here without air-conditioned room, free access of internet, ever ready car for my use and etc.

Yet, there are also things that are different from last semester, and one of the biggest difference, the one that i can't stop it from happening, is that i'm already in my final year.

That i'm graduating soon.

That i have to and i'll be doing my thesis.

That i need to packed my timetable up in order to graduate in time.

And here am i still asking why i am where i am.

And whether i have other choice.

Finding the destiny of my future.

Trying so hard to figure out who i am for real.

Waiting for God's answer for all the questions that i've thrown to Him.

Doubting if i can make it through.

The seaweed of LIFE

2008-06-21T01:56:00.003+08:00

Check this out! I found it in the hypermarket.

Can't see it? Zoom in...

Though i never taken any Japanese class but i'm pretty sure that i understand this. It says, 'Jesus is the Lord of lords, King of kings'

Isn't it real cool? Evangelism on a seaweed package!!! That's why my family and i got so excited over it and don't mind paying an extra RM1 for that packaging since we thought that it's a rare event.

We were hypothesizing that it could be a fund raising programme for church/christian organization. If not then maybe the boss is a devoted christian who is passionate about evangelism. Hehehe. If not how do u relate this to a packet of seaweed?

So, people, grab the seaweed and eat it for yourself. And remember that Jesus is the Lord of lords, King of kings. He created those seaweeds anyway. :) For those christian out there, it's a reminder that the sharing of your faith can be anywhere, anyhow.

Teaser@work - I was fooled by a fool

2008-06-18T22:05:00.003+08:00

Yesterday there was an Indian man who came to our counter and waves at me from the outside, totally ignoring the presence of the attendent at the counter. So he asks, r u the lab assistant? I answered with all courtesy that i'm just the trainee and that i can get him a permanent staff for assistance. He said it's fine, and start asking all sorts of question like how to get the sputum, how the doctor do the biopsy, yada yada... And no matter how hard i tried, he's just not satisfied and gave out the tone as if you're a shame for being so lack of knowledge.

So i called the permanent staff since i can't handle him. But her fate is almost the same as mine. Finally we decided that he has been demanding and ridiculous, so left him and went in to the lab again.

As we complains to each other(with much frustration) about how unreasonable and impolite he was, the pak cik attendent came in and told us that the man is a patient's of the clinic next door. He knew it from the start.

complains continue.

*pause*

I was somehow prompted and ask the pak cik,
'Di sebelah tu klinik apa?'

Pak cik: 'oh, klinik psikiatrik lah'

The staff and i *stoned*

Omg, he looked so normal and spoke fluent english, even with medical terms!

Anyway, it became the source of laughter in the lab for the rest of the day. Esp when Pak cik cheekily imitates him, 'r u the lab assistant?'.

*speechless*

One pint of blood

2008-06-05T22:15:00.003+08:00

I'm posted at the blood bank for this week. Since i don't have much to do in the lab anyway, i went to donate blood with my trainee-colleague today :)

Wasn't really in for blood donating untill i'm in this lab and learnt about the qualification of a donor. You can't donate blood if:
- under 18 years old
- under weight (<45kg)
- on drugs/medication
- got HIV/Hepatitis B/C/syphillis/malaria
- have high blood pressure
- stayed in Europe for more than 6 months after 1980 (in fear of mad cow disease)
- have autoimmune disease
- your hemoglobin level is not high enough

If you are healthy enough to donate blood, you are blessed. So, appreciate the privilege to be able to give! Just one pint of blood from each of us and that would be make a big difference in saving so many lives.

p/s: Penang General Hospital's blood bank is currently low, so come forward if you can! :)

Other than moives...

2008-05-21T23:02:00.004+08:00

Rite, i did do other stuff besides watching movies :) My time back here in Penang is mainly spent in Penang General Hospital as i'm doing my industrial training in the Pathology Lab. It gets boring at times, as people won't just take the initiative to get you involved. In fact, they rather u don’t as u might just make a mess out of everything and take longer time. So, you gotta withstand a few cold shoulders and be 'thick face' to ask around and request for try-out. Nevertheless, things are going fine and i've learnt quite a lot of stuff. Last week i was in a Cytology Lab where they do Pap Smear and other various test to diagnose for cell abnormality e.g. cancer. This week i'm in the Outpatient Department which serves the outpatients with blood, urine and stool samples testing. It is one of the few labs that involves interaction with patients, which, seems to be more like my type of job. However, it can get scary sometimes when dealing with the patients especially in information-giving as i am so new and still blur about how things work there.

Besides that, I spent a lot of times with my family. Moments that i don't know how describe with words and i didn't capture with camera (hmm.. maybe i should do sthg abt that... but my family members are so camera-shy and my camera is currently broke down!), moments that seems so simple yet so unforgettable and treasured. How we raced in Esplanade fields (the place that not many young people and Chinese hang out anymore), how I being ignorable of my age and the rules & regulations, played in the playground with the kids (whom my mum have been taking care of) :P, the walk we took down the Penang road and checking out LineClear Nasi Kandar, and many talks we had in cars and the excitements of the visitations of our favorite makan places :)

Also, i have a music project for myself to work on :P For a start, i'm working on Schaumann's Reveries (wonderful piece of music, but quite tackling though seemed easy) & Invention No. 8 of J.S. Bach :)

And i'm going to a dance workshop!

Though it's going to cause a pain in my pocket*ouch* Though i'm intending to self-fund, i still seek permission from my mum, mum says i can go for it as long as i think it's worth it. I can't be sure for now and struggled for the decision, but i guess every investment bear a risk..? One will never know :) and i would certainly choose it upon hair rebonding which will cost me the same amount of money.

Movies...

2008-05-21T21:12:00.010+08:00

Recently i've manage to catch quite a few movies. None of them are new release, but that's what happen when u lead a kinda out-of-the-world lifestyle and get yourself so busy with so many other things for a couple of months :) So, it is also a payback reward for myself :P

1. Chicago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOImN4Ayesw

i watched Chicago after my exam the day before i head back to Penang. Musically, i love every bits of it! It was such a fantastic musical movie, every scene perfectly present, every songs perfectly fit into the storyline! Man, that's what u call a real musical! The cell block tango, which the link will lead u to, is even nicer in my opinion than i've imagine when suit lin told me abt that. Salute to Chatherine Zeta Jones, and Queen Latifah is awesome as ever :)

It was artistically speaking. On the other hand i was quite troubled by the message of the story. Evil ways are used to archieve one's goal and personal agenda, and it seems that the dark side had the victory. For example, that Hungarian girl in the cell, who is the only innocent one among them, was found guilty while Roxie Hart was set free AND archieved her dream. It's true that it IS what happen in this world where injustice prevails, but the movie seemingly shown that these are the right thing to do. So, based on that, i won't recommend this movie to kids. what kind of value system will they form for themselves after watching it?

2. CJ7

Ah! That creature is SOooooo adorable! I have to say that i'm no Stphen Chow fan at all. Most of his jokes in the other movies (and still some in this), are too lame for me to accept. Yet, i found this one really heart-warming and touching. One scene that i found quite hilarous is the cockcroach slamming part, and the idea that they do it for game. It's disgustingly creative :) As for Xu Jiao, i think she did well as a young actress, especially as she's assuming a role as a boy (though i think it is not good for her growth as a kid in real life). But, as i said i'm not a Stephen Chow fan, i don't really appreciate her performance as i can see so much of Stephen Chow in her. But it's ok la, she'll still has many fans out there.

I have to mention the part when 'zhat chai'resurrect the father by sacrificing itself. Many might take this as absurd and lame (as i would if i weren't believer in God), i think it leave a good question to the audience, who said that it is not possible? How sure r u that there is no such thing as supernatural power? and i hope that my relatives who despise the idea of the existence of God and fans of Stephen Chow at the same time would realize it and give thoughts to it.

3. The Kite Runner

I strongly recommend this! It is a story about two friends who forego their childhood friendship because of misunderstanding and betrayal, and a man that risk his life and do all he can to redeeem the mistake he has done, after he realized how much he has lost. All by the saying 'There is a way to be good again'. The story is set in an Afghanistan background. The politic shifts from democratic to the Soviet Invasion to the Taliban government as the story develop, it would be interesting if u love histories.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Afghanistan

Also, i certainly enjoy seeing those colorful kits flying in the blue, cloudy sky. It is quite a view. I'm quite amazed by the way it is recorded.

4. Dr. Seuss's Horton hears a Who!

I guess i don't need to say much abt this well-known cartoon which was quite a hit when it was released. To me, it really enhanced my spiritual faith and walk with God. The fact that we don't see it doesn't prove that it doesn't exist. As i see the way Horton's hold on to what he believe despite persecution and the mayor's tiredless attempts to tell his people the truth that he has found, i am embarrassed for my little faith and times when i behave not like a child of God.

Well, who say cartoons are superficial? Who say movies are merely for entertainment? :P

5. Dr. Dolittle 3

I think it's simple and nice. A simple storyline and a simple yet impactful message.

p/s: Above are all personal views. Don't shoot me if u don't agree :P

My blog is rated as...

2008-05-07T14:00:00.001+08:00

Was blog-hopping and click on the link out of curiosity. And look how it turns out..

WHAT?! *swt

Light of the World

2008-04-29T10:25:00.000+08:00

Our union with Christ and communion with the Trinity add a certainand heavenly dimension to our lives, and it is indeed one that correctlyand profoundly orients us here and now to the world around us. We are atour best a reflection of God when we are drawn into relationships with oneanother, modeling the love that has been modeled to us. We are at our besta reflection of God when we live in community that expresses God’s concern for all of God’s creation--from the downcast and the powerless among us,to the oppressed and the least throughout the world. If God is light, howare we reflecting it? The hope of theology is always that, like Moses, wemay come down from the mountain glowing. -Jill Cartinni

I got a place to stay in college next year!

2008-04-18T14:39:00.003+08:00

Don't ask me how, no words can describe how grateful i am to Him for His providence and the end of my worries for accomodation... =)

CPR was AWESOME!

2008-04-18T14:20:00.002+08:00

Not that i'm quoting Kaun... (in case he thinks that he's patented the word), but it was exactly how i felt about it, still missing every bits of it till now, the draining, boring study week...

Ok, ok... excluding the gruesome (as rachael described it) waterfall trip :P

Things will never be the same with the absence of anyone of us. Imagine how things will be without all the 'I's around who makes a buzz out of everything, if we do not have the marrigeable sisters who prepare us food, if we do not have our adventurous brothers whom invented CPR special, if i don't have my dear diving kaki RachelC. And imagine how chaotic it would be if we do not have our ever steady ever calm president Adelene.

And we won't able to have those fun that we had if God didn't provide us with those food from the 'wild', if the diving platform wasn't built, if the lights weren't out at one, if the adorable puppies weren't there, and we would not have to sit thru sessions and crack our head as to fulfill the main reason we were there - plan for PKV.

btw, CPR stands for Committee Planning Retreat, in case u think otherwise and are blurred for the past 1 minute :P

I'm just amazed how God put things together and bring different sorts of people together. At the end of it, i think it is best summarized by the very 'fruit' of the CPR - 'Coming together, building each other'

Who will untangle us?

2008-04-08T16:05:00.002+08:00

It’s not easy to find out something that you should’ve known sometimes earlier. Suddenly, everything seems to be different already. Here you are, incapable of turn back time, trying to make sense of what had happened. You start to understand the cold war you’ve been thrown towards, and the great efforts of concerned friends to *hint hint* and console.

Somehow, though it might be too strong a sentence, I feel as if I’ve sacrificed my dignity. All the not-supposed-to-be-seen part captured, public criticism of your performance exchanged by friends who had come a long way with you with outsiders, and the “breaking news” from backstage that you don’t think was fairly told.

A friend of mine said it right, when you put yourself to stage, you’re not letting yourself to be praised of, but making a fool of yourself to be criticized and crushed. Knowing full well that all these are bound to happen, I went ahead for it. Yet, when the real waves hits, it is still painful.

And how many times had I treat likewise to the other performers? How many inconsiderate words I’ve spoken regarding others’ works and even attitude? Have I ever put on their shoes and feel what they felt? Have I ever look close enough to see their tireless attempts or the harsh moments they were going through?

Regrets. When the same thing happened to yourself =)

Recently a friend that I’ve worked closely with in ‘Entangled’ the musical wrote me these:

“Can anyone say Ai Wei isn’t good enough? No; and if someone were to say, that would be Jesus our Lord. But will Jesus ever say that? No, because He died for her sins, shed His blood on the cross for her iniquities”

I would say that I’m indeed not good enough, and I’m truly sorry for whatever I’ve done, consciously or unconsciously, that might cause pain to others. But please, don’t hurt me as how you would not want to be hurt. Bear me some time and some grace. Like it or not, Jesus died for such a wretch like me.

Aren’t we all entangled? With ourselves, with people around us; with our success, with our failure; with what we have, with what we lost.

The musical was doen in vain! If you and I who put in so much effort to tell the story can't find the way out. Don’t we all know, who will untangle us?

What kind of life laying ahead of us after 'Entangled'

2008-03-25T10:54:00.002+08:00

One funny conversation that happened in Titus' car after practice last night.

Edmond: Just a few days. Wait for me...

Cassandra: (cheekily) Hmm... Who r u saying this to uh?

Edmond: (think for a second) My assignments.

Cassandra & Edmond: HAHAHAHAHA.

Let's not think about it.

Cassandra & I

2008-03-25T10:48:00.002+08:00

Ever since the day I know Cassandra, I can relate much of my own story with hers. We both have a dream. A dream to shine, to touch lives, to stir something deep down in hearts of many that has been lost, ignored and covered. To me, she is one amazing lady, one that dares to dream and express her dream despite doubts and objections.

Perhaps that’s because she’s young. Yet, isn’t that what many of us has lost along the way? Celebrating my 21^st birthday this year, there are many things I wished I’ve done and can undo in my childhood and as a teenager. We’re hurt, disappointed by the past that easily entangles, and we’re afraid to move on.

I still remembered in one of the early practices when I broke down. It was one expressive scene. Coming from a controlling family that don’t allow much creative expression, it wasn’t easy for me at all, especially when the accusing voices haunted me and the image of rolling eyes and lips of disapprove flashed in my mind. My director told me this: Cassandra is not afraid! She’s firm about her own dream, and she’s going all out for it. I couldn’t help but ask myself, how often do I hold on and persevere for what I want? How much am I willing to sacrifice to achieve it?

Yet, she has doubts and fear too. She is not the kind of little bratty girl that only care about herself and her dream. She love and care about her family, and that’s why she struggle when her dream is not accepted by her loved ones. Perhaps that’s why many of us struggle too. It was also because of the misunderstanding in the family, that Cassandra start seeking elsewhere, and eventually fell into the trap that Edmond set for her, bringing herself to the dead end. Yet, even as she’s struggling with death, she chose to forgive. She’s one of the kindest girl I’ve ever know, yet because of circumstances, people, past, she shield herself. She pretends to be indifferent. And I’ve seen so many ‘Cassandra’ in real life.

It was funny that as the storyline progress and Cassandra doubting herself, I’m experiencing it in another way. It was during one of those busy, stressful times, when musical is drawing near and yet tests and assignments came unmercifully, that I start questioning myself, is it what I truly want? Or is it just a foolish fantasy? Many times there are voices that questioned and accused that I’m not doing it solely for God. Indeed, I have to admit that I’m often tempted to store up personal agenda, hoping for some ‘bonus’ even as I serve Him with the talents and passions He has given to me. Yet, Ai Wei shouldn’t be celebrated, not even Cassandra, but Jesus, through the stories of our life.

Somehow, for some sentimental reason, I wish Cassandra can live forever, but she never will. I wish the story will never end, but it eventually will. Yet, as the finale rounds up the play, when the curtain close and when the applause subsides, how different in person have I become? Where do I go from here?

Getting more 'entangled'

2008-03-13T10:58:00.003+08:00

Just one sign, just one sign
This dream i want can be mine
Just one sign, Just one sign
The comfort i need i can find
Teach me how to carry on
Give me strength to go on
Just one sign, just one sign
This dream i want can be mine ~Cassandra

"Entangled the musical"
26th March 2008
8.30 pm
KPS auditorium
-Free admission-

http://entangledthemusical.blogspot.com/

It's a story of stories... Yours and mine. More or less.

Malaysian's Malaysia

2008-03-11T11:19:00.002+08:00

The first day of lecture after election:
"I didn't know that Malaysians can actually think" -Lecturer C

"PAS won over Kedah! Hooray! ... erm... I was just kidding (me thinking: yea rite...) " - Lecturer H

The atmosphere of the class was definitely different that day. The break which should be used to study for the test in the afternoon is used for political chats instead.. Many surely had enjoyed an exciting moment last night, while some lecturers just can't help themselves but share their 'opinion's throughout the lecture.

Sure enough, the election result was a big shock for many of us Malaysians. Whatmore, this time it is my hometown that appeared in many of the front page news. Gerakan, which had been having Penang as their stonghold, was totally denied by Penangites of the state government seats. The vision of the opposition to deny two-thirds of BN parlimentary seats, which seemed to be impossible, had came to past after all.

What a historical moment. Like many Malaysians, I believed that the change is good. It is time for Malaysia, both the people and the Government to get up from our complacency. I'm glad that Malaysians actually hope for something new to happen in our own country. Something for better.

Perhaps the best response on post election i heard and challenged to give is from my pastor, Dr Chew. I totally agreed with him that after all the prayers we uttered for the election, this is not a time to say 'enough!', but a time to pray even more fervently, because it is not the end, but the beginning. The beginning of a new Malaysia. Particularly as a concerned Christian in this country, shouldn't we ask what's God's agenda for our country? The end point of a revival in a place is not our own prosperity, nor the salvation of the nation, but the revelation of God's Glory. We always sing 'Break our hearts for what break Yours', but what's God's heart for? God's heart is for the Unsaved, Unreached and Unwanted.

While some of us are complaining for injustice and corruption that happened around us, let us also forget not all the good things that God has blessed our country through the previous government. Our PM needs our support, especially at this critical moment. No point pouring cold water on a shivering person, that's what i think. Definitely not from political point of view =)

Ish... too bad i couldn't vote this time. I'm only a year younger anyway.

It was Valentine's...

2008-02-16T18:49:00.002+08:00

Some quotes that stands up to me during the special day...

"The greatest thing u'll ever learn is to love and to be loved" ~Moulin Rouge

"Love cannot be drowned by oceans or floods; it cannot be bought, no matter what is offered." ~Song of Songs 8:7, CEV

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life!" ~John 3:16

I'm posting this entry from my hostel room!

2008-02-16T18:10:00.002+08:00

i heard rumours that internet connection can be detected in our hostel room. So i decided to give it a try. And it appeared to be true!

Um 12th college got connection! finally! I can online from my room! After the sufferings all these while... yipppppee!!! Though the connectivity is poor, but it's better than none rite... Hopefully they'll upgrade it...

It's just like a miracle.... :P

leaving behind, going ahead

2008-02-11T10:42:00.000+08:00

The one-week break has come to an end finally!

Well, I certainly enjoy my holiday here. Though i've always complain abt my struggles here, I guess home is still home. The quality time i've spent with my family, it's just invaluable.

Just a quick update on what i think i'm leaving behind and what's laying ahead of me...

What i'm leaving behind...
My comfort. Well, that includes my air-conditioned room, free, accessible internet connection which is a luxury in college, My car, My dog, My piano... Oh, and my beloved Bukit No.3!

My family. As my dad resigned from his work beginning of this year, i know that it's not going to be an easy year for all of us in the family. Even during the holiday, i can feel the difference due to the financial constraint. We starts to visit mamak stall more often instead of those big stalls, and we travel less as to save petrol. Maybe i'll try to get some part time job in kl la... Yet, i really thank God many other things turn better, like my dad's health and our relationships as a family. let's pray that God will provide as my dad started his own business in providing transport service.

My grandpa. Yes, he's still in the hospital and don't seems to be getting well. Currently dependent on medication, his conditions is going up and down. That'll also be an regular prayer item for me as i'm going back to KL.

and what's laying ahead
Study! Labs, assignments, tests... Going to have two tests this week! As the breaks ends, it also means that i'm in my 2nd cycle of the sem, which also mean that i'll be having lab everyday! It's going to be heavy... I need lots of strength for it!

Easter Musical. I would say that this is one thing that i'm most excited for and looking forward too. But, it doesn't mean that it's going to be easy. If you know our Art director well, then you would understand it better*ahem* haha. Well, we all want the best for the play and for our efforts to touch lives.

PKV. Serving as an EXCO means that i need to be extra sensitive to everything that's happening in PKV and to PKV-ians. So far, I didn't do it without a struggle. With all the commitments i have, sometime i am tempted to stay in my portfolio, which more technical in nature and not giving extra effort to care for the people around me. I don't want to see myself merely doing paperworks and attending EXCO meeting, though i can, no point doing so. But relationships...*sigh* It's not as easy as it is said.
Being a committee also means that a mandate from God is given to make sure that PKV moves on holistically, leaving behind good things to our next generation. Initiate good efforts and pass on what we inherited. So, yah, as i've said, i have to be extra sensitive towards God's leading, to people and things around me.

Combining all that i've said, u guys should have an idea of what my life is going to be like, rite? This will probably stay as my last post for a very long while. So, best wishes to all of u! :)

God, pls save my grandpa!

2008-02-08T17:06:00.000+08:00

I'm in a place that a chinese would less likely to be in during this CNY season... hospital.

My grandpa is admitted to hospital the day before CNY. He was diagnosed to have lung cancer about half year ago, and his condition got worsened recently. Being a stubborn old man he refused to be sent to hospital, untill that night, when he really couldn't stand it anymore.

I wasn't very close with my grandpa, yet my heart ache to see him like that. He's struggling to breathe, giving out a lots of phlegms. His taste buds is not functioning well anymore, even a tasteless bowl of porridge is bitter to him, and he could hardly eat. He's only on glucose yesterday, today he needs the nutrient package already...

Besides all the physical pain he bear, i know he bear more emotional struggles in him. Imagine a strong man that cycle his Rojak stall all around Penang island, now bedridden, a strict father that brings up a family of five children, now have to be dependant on them, an arrogant atheist that insists that human snuffs out like a candle blown after death, now having death so near himself.

So, pls pls pls... Pray for him... less pain and open heart...

Should I dream again?

2008-02-04T19:04:00.000+08:00

I would have chosen an easier, or better path if I never held on to my dream many many yesterdays ago. If I have never overestimated myself, if I have never dared to take the risk.

Time changes. Things change. People change.

The dream that i'm having now... Is it new? Or has it always been within me, waiting to be acknowledged?

Is it possible? Or is it another foolish fanstasy?

Would it last? Or would it fleet as my old dream has?

My first train experience

2008-02-03T01:30:00.000+08:00

1 Feb 2008

11.15 am
Settled down in a quiet corner in McD finally. Without my closest electric gadget beside me, I wondered for a moment what i should do to kill time. A middle aged man came to me, drawing me back from my thoughts. He asked for donation, showing some proofs and stuff. My mind flashed back to one conversation i had with my fren, kee aun regarding the issues of beggars. I never trust this kind of people, but for the very first time, I handed the man a few dollars. I don't care if his case is real or fake anymore. I don't care if i've just been conned.

Just how interesting to see how the same person thinks so differently after what she has experienced. I guess I am emotionally overwhelmed. I take out my personal notebook and start jotting down thoughts. Suddenly I'm grateful for the ability to scribble. I never realised how much difference can blank papers and a modest pen make to a person's life.

4.30 pm
My train came an hour ago. Well, it was supposed to come another hour earlier.

What actually happened was that i missed my bus this morning. It was a chartered bus, but the person-in-charge mistakenly thought that I've boarded the bus and set the bus out. My handphone battery was flat and I couldn't contact anyone for help. For once I felt so lost and alone. I start screening names of friends in my mind, but I don't know who to go to. Yes, I have friends, but perhaps what I hoped for is someone, just one, that can always be by my side, that I can fully rely on? Someone that can share my pain and worries, someone who will share my joy and dreams? i foolishly hoped that romance will be the answer, i naively waiting for a perfect man.

Yet, the Almighty One, the one that will always be by my side, the one that i can TRULY fully rely on, the one that see my pain and worries, rejoice with me and cherish my dream, sent help. I met friends who were on their way to shopping mall. As it was impossible to get bus ticket for today, I decided to take train instead. They came in as a great help by fetching me to KL sentral (and calming me down). That's how I get myself into an 7 hours journey.

7 hours?! Normal bus trip would just take a mere bearable 4 hours. 2 hours sleep, an hour of chat/reading and an hour of thinking + sightseeing. That's what I normally do when i take a bus back. But 7 hours! I wondered if i've ever been in a place as long as 7 hours. Perhaps humans needs to be forced to the end of the wall to decide to take a leap, perhaps we need to be rendered no choice to choose for the best.

The feeling in a train is very different from the one in the bus. The passengers are somehow different. Here, they walk around, either toilet break or to get a snack. Conversations are exchanged more naturally, and nobody seems to mind the others making some mild noises. As I am writing down these, the man besides me asks, 'Are you a writer?' Oh, i always like the image of a journalist... and I'm so tempted to lie once! :P Of course, I didn't. 'Well, i'm not. But it is a long journey! and it's a good setting to think.' He burst into laughter. Much later, he takes up a book and starts writing as well:)

People here make me feel belonged. To a community, to an allign of the same cause. The feeling of 'berat sama dipikul, ringan sama dijunjung'. We're all in this together.

I would say that the vibration i constantly feeling beneath me brings my heart and mind to a different... dimension (if this is a correct word to use) One word that makes me ponder is 'direction'. Where am i heading? Where is these wheels bringing me? I know i'm going home. But what's awaiting me at home? What's the first word my parents would say to me later when i arrived, now that i've make such a big mistake this morning and trouble them so much? i recalled my last holiday, the stuggles that comes with the good moments. Can i stand it again? Would i cope better this time, after the decision i've made before God? I'm afraid, but i need to face it. The destination is near.

6.30 pm
'tak sampai-sampai lagi...?' The kid beside me is getting restless. Isn't it the perfect dicpiction of how i often feel in my life journey, my walk with God? Often we're dissappointed, we doubt, we get bored. The journey is getting more and more tiring for me as time goes by. My battery is low again and i started worrying (and praying) again. Someone from my coach apparently just went out for a cigarettes and brings in the foul smell. Well, isn't life so? No matter how much u like the journey at first, time drains you out, time makes you doubt. It makes you wonder if u would ever reach the destination, or forever stuck in between. Worse still, things start to happen. You starts to encounter intimidating people, people whom you find difficult to love. You start doubting if God's still with you, you wonder if He'll keep His promise and lead you to the end.

8.00 pm
The train is experiencing some technical problems and stopped at taiping for around 20 mins. Now there's only a few of us in the train, as many left at the previous station. We're all so tired and almost dying, but i think theses feelings actually brought us closer. A group of men had their discussion at the back, while some choose to sleep. A pair of 3.5 yr old twins kids came over to play with me. I tell you what, they're so cheeky! They sat on my laps as if we're old friends, ask if they can draw on my notebooks (and i was so frightened when they almost draw on my written page!), if they can drink my 100 plus, if i can bring them to toilet... Hardly i see such stranger-friendly kids. Even though i have to be really watchful that they don't tear my book or spoil my pen or grab my thing to threaten me, i was really thrilled with their presence :)

Me, Tim boy and Terry boy

My train reach at 12.00 midnight sharp. More than 7 hours... but i love my first train experience :)

P/s: dedicating this to my frens, Rach, who taught me that every time can be made useful; and Ben, who inspired me to write my own train story.

January...

2008-01-22T10:49:00.000+08:00

It's been a month since i return to uni for my new semester.

Remembering the eagerness i had to be back here, to be release from the stress i've taken in from my family.

Remembering the first phone conversation i had with my mum for this semester. I was so grateful that i've been treated 3 times in my first week here! It isn't the food nor the money that matters, but the way God speaks of His love and presence thru these incident.

Remembering the decision i've made when i shared my frustration and dissappointment towards God to my dear friend Kim Cheng, that i'm going to trust God in giving me the best in life.

Remembering all the good news i heard from my mum abt my family condition, and the moments after every phone calls that i utter a prayer of thankfulness.

Remembering the new friends i made, old friends i catched up, and the usual meet-up friends that i've got closer with in this month.

Remembering the offer i got from the Easter art director. Something that i wanted to do for so long and so badly! An opportunities to be stretched, polished and to dig into myself for something that i believe it's always there.

Of cos, not forgetting the challenge that lays ahead: 20 credit hours, 4 labs a week after the mid-sem break, the fear of not being able to do well in studies, responsibilities as PKV exco, the worries for my accomodation next semester and many more!

Well, life's indeed full of ups and downs. It's the mindset that makes things different. It's faith that makes things possible!

Happy New Year 2008!

2008-01-02T01:08:00.000+08:00

May this year be filled with lots of love and joy

My billy gal in primary finally!

2007-12-29T23:42:00.000+08:00

Remembering the day when you first came in to my house. It was a memorable one, bcos right after your mom pick you up, my house's kitchen was on fire!

Back then, you were just a 2 month old baby. For seven years you called me 'che che', and I've always treat you like my own sister ever since then. The smile and the hugs you offer, they always touch my heart.

Now, look how much you've grown! I almost cry seeing you in your uniform... and yes, I've grown too. We've grown together!

Billy's 5 years old birthday

My three darlings- Xin Yun, Billy, and Vanessa

complication and frustration

2007-12-26T16:52:00.000+08:00

someTimes, life don't seems to have a purpose anymore.
someTimes, my future seems to be so hopeless.
someTimes, it feels like u want to vomit but couldn't,
So many things in yr mind that u don't even know where to start
but someTimes, it feels that it is really empty inside
i hope that some1 can understands my situation
but someTimes it feels stupid to expose yrself to the world,
esp thru an uncertain cyber community
i feel very superficial blogging just abt my daily stuffs, like how happy i am when i got a new dress...yada yada
but i hate my blog to be filled with my negative feelings, seems to other like begging for mercy
and i'm afraid to comment on big stuffs, becos i'm afraid of ppl's criticism,
and i compare my blog with other's.
Besides, posting videos and pictures are taking too much time!

i'm so complicated.

first i stop composing songs, then i stop writing diary, now i stop blogging
i'm not recording, nor i creating!!!

i'm frusfrated.

Who should i tell all these to?
God? Does He care? Why doesn't He respond?
Family or Friends? Will they understand? Ultimately, I'll just add burden to those who care and irritate those who don't.

Freedom Writers

2007-12-05T23:19:00.001+08:00

Well it got me thinking quite a bit. Racial segregation isn't really a new issue to me. With several concerned friends, we've talked abt it over the table, we've seen it happening in our campuses and neighbourhood. And while i thought that things aren't going too well here, i only realized that things are so bad in the other side of the world after watching this.

Talking racial issues at home is very different as talking it in campus. Here, a lot of discontentments and complaints has built in my parents and my ancestors' heart. They felt that racially, we're being treated unfairly, we're being clamped down because we could be better. and the integration that we'll been promoting, they consider as comprimising, something that will lead your race to being wiped out. So to them, integration is liar. We should protect our root, our cultures, our own people.

Honestly, i wouldn't say that they're talking nuts. In fact, i've heard it over times since i was young, but things changed after i enter university. Actually, I changed. My perspective changed. Yes, i do think it's unfair. But what good do we do, if we convert our anger and bitterness into hatred and intolerance? Things are just going to get worse! Yet, it is so much easier for it to be said than to be done, esp for the older generation, who was hurt so much, to forgive each other wrongdoings...?

I'm trying to relate biblical teaching in this context. Listen to what Jesus says, 'but i tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic.' Luke 6:27-29

The time when i find it hard to follow this is when i found out that the other isn't following it. Then i'll feel like a fool, being taken advantage for nothing.

I wonder since when human race identify themselves according to races. I wonder why would all these racist ideas comes along.

Nice show, watch it!

Ramblings abt His love

2007-11-30T15:56:00.000+08:00

I look at her.

She's pretty. She's talented. She have a dozen of guys willingly sacrifice and care, only pleading for her love as return.

I thought of him. and her. and many hims and hers.

rich. bold. godly. gifted. kind.

and then i am reminded of the other hims and hers.

broken. hurt. masked.

straving. strive to even survive.

abused. abandoned. dissappointed.

We know too well that material is not the right measurement for God's love. But then what is? How do we know that God loves us? Which is easier, to tell a rich kid with a broken heart, or to tell an orphan with sufficient protection, that God loves him/her?

Why is some given more, and some given less? Shd we even bother to ask, if everytime the answer given is that 'everything belongs to God, He gives and He takes away, who are we, the clay, to question to potter?'

True. but the truth is hard. We called Him father, we called Him our lover, we enjoy an intimate relationship with Him. Would He mind telling us a little on why is He behaving like that?

See what we does to our kids in Children Church. We ask them to be quiet and obey in order to get the gift, we give rewards to those who can answer the question/behaved well, we try our best to be fair to each and everyone of them.

Is that what God is doing to us?

I don't think God control us like controlling robot, He gives us freedom of will, feelings and choices. And yet He is all-powerful and all-knowing so He knows exactly what will we do next and therefore set everythings in place so that His will in our live can be done......? I don't have any problem in following God's will. I'm just trying to figure out the logic.

Perhaps this is where God's loves is invovled. Because He knows better and He wants the best for us because He loves us.

Yet, sometime i feel that reality makes it hard to accept. Don't you think, that in our world today, the 'rich' is too 'rich', and the 'poor' is too 'poor'?

Where is God in the picture? How is God's love prevails?

Jesus loves me this i know,
For the bible tell me so;
Little ones to Him belong,
They are weak but He is strong...

I think He loves me enough to allow me to doubt His love...

My first MPO - Swan Lake

2007-11-21T23:02:00.000+08:00

It brings me into the wonderland... Where possibility is not given much consideration.

Oh and this is the gang(Ben is behind the camera:))

Trying to look 'Spacey"

2007-11-21T22:32:00.000+08:00

My church Kid's Fun Camp is having a most spacey looking hat competition! As a helper, of course we have to support the competition all the more and create some atmosphere rite... But I was so out of idea and lack of resources! Don't have any decorative items nor aluminium foil. I don't even have a cap with me and have to borrow from friend... Thank God that I do have a little bit of wisdom and manage to come out with something with my very very very limted materials...
I found my hair net and some nice looking threads which I used during my dance competition last semester. So i decided to use it and make it something like the orbit. Then, I drew some stars and planets and colour it with highlighter(i don't have color pencil anyway) as to make it bright and eye-capturing. That was me Cam-whoring half way as I take a rest.

My final product! Isn't it nice?!

In fact i think it is quite nice :P but i didn't win anyway. But it's fine. hehe.

Tmr is most spacey looking shoes! ahh... 'steal' some polystyerene and straw for the canteen. let's see what can be done with it tonight!

Hard decision to make...

2007-11-16T18:19:00.000+08:00

I had my genetic paper yesterday and it was kinda chaos for me. I almost forget my calculator, and i did forget my geometry sets. Ended up need to draw my circular chromosome(erm in my exam paper, not my body) free hand. And i really dun used to the short answer method after so many essay writing paper. Did quite badly, as i made all my answer wrong by 'correcting' it. argh... After the exam all my coursemates are so happy and satisfied. One of them, while i'm so down and upset, got so excited and tell me that she thinks God has been really good to her because she just happened to read the model answer in the morning... I was like... "stop it..."

And i found out two days ago that i need to stay back two more weeks after PKV camp for my college dance practice. Well i dun really mind staying back, in fact i'm glad that i'm accepted into the dance team. But my parents are expecting me to be back by 26th Nov! I think my family will all be very disappointed, if not mad at me.. Furthermore, many things are happening in my family and my extended family. My mum always says that my presence make a big difference and ease the situation, and i know that it is quite true.

Just wonder if i can be a bit more selfish this time. Having a proper dance training is one of my biggest dream! I know the dance team's standard and i think i can learn much from it. And this might be the last chance that i can join them.

About Polystrene...

2007-11-12T15:01:00.000+08:00

Let's do some calculation..

There's 2000 customers in a cafe, assumed that half of the number (1000) order takeaway, and every stall in the cafe use polystrene container for takeaway. How many polystrene container are consumed in a day, if each of the customers visit the cafe for both lunch and dinner?

The answer is: 1000 X 2 = 2000!!!

and this is a real life case that happened in my college! 2000 polystrene container a day! Especially now is exam time and most ppl 'bungkus' to their room!

recently I just had this 'gang ho' idea, that instead of using so many polystrene containers, which is so not environmentally friendly and seeing the rubbish bin piling up so fast everyday(and the smell is bad!), why don't each of us take our lunchboxes down and get our food?

Of course i know, that means we have to wash our lunchboxes everyday, but just a little sacrifice from everyone can make such a big difference! Furthermore, using polystrene to contain your food is not good for your health either.

Ever since the idea came to my mind, I did take my lunchbox down to get my food. But it isn't easy la... u know ppl will look at u like some sorts of weirdo... But if everyone does it, then it's not weird anymore rite?

As far as i know, S'pore banned it's usage, rite? and many western countries don't use plastic bags for groceries. How can, that we Malaysians r not doing anything abt it?

9 Nov 2007

2007-11-12T14:45:00.000+08:00

So it was my 20th birthday.

To tell the truth, I was quite touched la. I thought nobody will remember my birthday, and that I would have to celebrate alone as even my roommate went back for a family gathering. And I thought that even if nobody wishes me I would not blame anyone because I found myself guilty for not putting effort in remembering ppl's birthday.

But I was surprised that many remembered! and I really appreciate my camp cam brothers and sister coming all the way from UPM to celebrate with me, not forgetting my CF members that belanja me Chili's and hung out with me so long despite coming exams. Thanks you so much! (and many funny things happened in between, but I shall reserve it for next entry together with the pictures!)

and finally thank you God, for being so gracious to me. And I shall repent and start doing something more concrete in remembering others' birthdays.. and to show my care:)

My first birthday cake of the year!

2007-11-08T15:33:00.000+08:00

New York Cheese of Secret Recipe... From my dear roommate... :)

I'm no longer a teenager soon!

2007-11-07T16:49:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is my last day of teenage.

Literally, i mean.

Perhaps life won't be much different the day after tomorrow (since i'll be still stuck in the midst of exam), but it would definitely mean I gotta bid my teenage years a grand farewell.

Looking back, I wish I had done more.

Looking back, I think I had gotten much.

And what's next?

No matter what, i'm gonna live it well.

By the grace of God.

Igniters!!!

2007-10-31T15:11:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, Couz, the college and university zone of my church was on duty for the newly launched programme called Igniters. Well what we have to do was pretty simple. Each of us hold up a smiley face’s playcard J and distribute ourselves to different station in the carpark and the church lobby. When we saw people walking in to the sanctuary, we’ll wave the smiley face at them and greet them. I think it is a good ministry because the ushers are already very busy on the upstairs at the sanctuary entrance distributing the bulletins and escorting the newcomers, while the traffic marshals are also very busy directing the traffic and making sure everyone is safe. It is good that there are people who weren’t with other responsibility to be there greeting, welcoming and bring some cheers. As simple as it is, I think many are blessed. Almost all can’t resist the warm atmosphere and put a grin on their face. One lady exclaimed as I greeted her, ‘What a good way to start a Sunday!’

Oh yes it is. In fact, while I try to make their days, I think they made mine most.

Family trip at KL

2007-10-17T21:31:00.000+08:00

Well it was like the happiest moment for me! I've survived after a week of report-rushing, and my parents is coming down to KL to meet me! So i stayed up late packing my stuff (cos i was too tired and hence tidur straight-straight after i came back from the library giving some help to my visually disabled friend) and wake up really early to meet them. And yup, it was indeed great joy seeing them after being away from home for months.

We went straight to KL sentral to catch the bus to Genting. And guess what's the first thing we do after we get into the bus? Take picture la... hehe

This is me and my sis(with her trademark pose). Notice that both of us are wearing purple!:)

And this is mum and dad. Can u see the shadow of me in them?

We reached the top, went in to the theme park to walk around and enjoy the nice breeze. My parents dun wanna play any of them 'heart-attacking' game cos they say they're too old for it. My sis wasn't really into this kind of activities. I was the only one interested and i don't wanna go alone! So, we ended up walking more than playing. *sigh so the moral of the story is: Travel as much as u can while u're still young!

Oh well, at least we went for the caterpillar monorail(which enabled us to take lotsa nice picture of the scenery), the dinosouarland and the mine ride, which is the milder and shorter version of roller coaster. And we had great time chatting away in a nice weather:)

The second day was sunday so we went to my KL church, SIBKL. There were kinda miscommunication in the morning becos i woke up late. My mum thought i dun wan go church di. But i thought they're all dressing up for church. And it was late and my sis prefer not going to church but take our own sweet time. So it's like bla bla bla... Eventually we went to church too, missing out the worship.

Lunch wasn't very pleasant too. I brought them to SS2 for some chinese food. But all the makan places are either very packed or kinda hot. My sis wanted Delifrance, cos she never likes Chinese food. My dad don't want Delifrance, cos he never likes Western cuisine. So we ended up in the Sky Cafe, where u can get both Asian and Western cuisine. Thought they'll be happy then, but they complained that the food sucks! What to do, Penangites are fussy abt food. argh...

I was like, why is there some many different ideas in one family? But i guess that always happened, and that's when the family value comes in. Everyone need to learn to give and take, to keep the family together.

Anyway, we went to shopping@ 1 Utama. I bought a black fluffy skirt and two speghetti tops! hehe. My sis manage to get her sweater too:)

The third day we decided to walk around the town area of KL. So we went to Dataran Merdeka, imagining the historical day when Tunku shouted the seven times 'Merdeka', which apparently none of us were the eye witness.

Then we set off to the Tugu Negara, where i was so drawn back to the logo of the recent 'Freedom Film Festival' i've attend. Will we fight for the right things for our country, as our forefathers have fought?

Well by then it was time to go home. The journey took more than 6 hours! Omg.. nevertheless we reached home safe and sound. and yup, i'm currently back at home. And the end of the trip should indicate that it's time for me to study for my finals :)

Despite struggling

2007-10-17T21:05:00.000+08:00

Well just some sayings that i came across yesterday after i wrote my depressing post. God has been good.

'The idea behind "Talentime": That as humans, we have to go through a lot of pain and some measure of suffering before we can reach greater heights. Some might say this somewhat echoes the principles behind THE FOUR NOBLE TRUTHS. But more accurately, the idea really comes from my own observations that some of the best moments in my life were those moments where I failed, or had my heart broken. Why? Because those were the moments that have shaped me, made me a better person today, and helped me attain my highest achievements.' -Yasmin Ahmad

My friend Jason, unintentionally told me the story of the main character in the movie Big fish, who always thinks that he's a big fish in a small aquarium and that he's meant for sthg bigger. But when he got out to the big ocean, he started to feel that perhaps the ocean is too big for him. Yet again, an ocean wouldn't be an ocean without all these little fishes like him, he's indeed part of the big flow. The moral of the story is, let us enjoy our small aquarium and make the best out of it while we're still 'stuck' in it. God's willing, there'll be time for us to move out to the big ocean. Perhaps that time, we'll start missing our small aquarium.

Well, it left me no choice, i'll choose to trust Him, my loving Father in Heaven who holds my future, with my future.

Despite struggling.

Struggling

2007-10-16T12:30:00.000+08:00

I'm struggling with the feeling of being small.

of being not as good as the other.

Feeling of uncertainty of my future.

seems like i've make some wrong moves at the important crossroad of my life, or perhaps i just not willing to settle with what i have... and what i am.

For my dreams seem to be impossible. Go as far as your dream can take u? I'm afraid of dreaming, bcos i'm afraid of heartbreak, when my dreams are scattered.

How can He bless someone more, and bless someone else less?

For He says to Moses, "I WILL HAVE MERCY ON WHOM I HAVE MERCY, AND I WILL HAVE COMPASSION ON WHOM I HAVE COMPASSION."

So then it does not depend on the man who wills or the man who runs, but on God who has mercy.

On the contrary, who are you, O man, who answers back to God? The thing molded will not say to the molder, "Why did you make me like this," will it?

Or does not the potter have a right over the clay, to make from the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for common use?...

~ Romans 9:15-16, 20-21 (NASB)

I dunno la...

A misplaced worker?

2007-09-26T11:14:00.001+08:00

Tanggal 31…Bulan lapan lima puluh tujuh…’ It was just a simple Merdeka Celebration, but the air was filled with high spirits. I can feel the excitement in the voices of our friends in United Voice, a center for the people with learning disabilities. On that very moment, I was affirmed that I’ve made a right choice to obey and do what He has asked me to.

**************
Being the social concern head in PKV wasn’t part of my plan of what I want to do in UM. Having come from a Chinese Buddhism background, I used to be keen in doing social works, hoping that it would help me to pay my debts of sin and to collect merits to have a better lifetime. As God came into my life years later, I came to realize that there is nothing I can do that could make me a better person and that Jesus the Lamb of God have taken my place as a sacrifice, and I received His unconditional love. I was released from my past baggages, and enjoy the salvation that is free for all.

Sadly, however, in my early walks with God, I’ve somehow gone to another extreme that social works shall be given less priority. Well, you don’t need those to get yourself to heaven, I thought, Christians should then put more effort in evangelizing and save souls. That is why I was struggling hard when I first started as the social concern head. I was utterly clueless of what I should do! However, I choose to be obedient to His plan. It was through the journey and helping hands along the way that I start to see the importance of social works.

How wrong could I be! The truth is that social concern and evangelism must come hand in hand in order to transform the community. Jesus never excludes His people from their social responsibilities. In fact, He mandated us to do that.

‘For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me…For I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ Matthew 25:42-45

‘If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth’ 1 John 3: 17

How can we who claimed ourselves as Christians whom love God choose to be ignorant to the needs of our neighbours? How do we show people that our God is love, if we who are loved first, do not have the capacity to love?

I’m sure many of us are familiar with the story of the Good Samaritan:

‘A man……fell into he hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite……passed through the other side. But a Samaritan……when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds……and took care of him.’ Luke 10:30-34

Three of the man saw the need of the victim, but only the Samaritan choose to take action. How many times, have we been the priest or the Levite?

We’ve visited United Voice this semester. We’ve heard their needs and feelings, we’ve explored into their worlds. But is that all? The answer is no. Let me encourage all of you to engage yourself into some area of social works which you feel the burden. The opportunities are everywhere! It can be signing up as a volunteer of Persatuan Mahasiswa Istimewa UM, reading for the blind, initiating a Gotong-royong in your faculty, helping out your coursemate who are struggling with tight finance, visiting an urban poor area near your house and etc. (be sensitive and creative, I’m just throwing out examples!J)

‘The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.’ Matthew 9:37

If we start to see each of the opportunity to help as an opportunity to spread God’s message of love, then perhaps we can understand the passage in this context. The need is great, are you willing to go out to meet it?

**************
‘Merdeka…Merdeka…Merdeka!!!’ Deep inside my heart, I was grateful to my Father in Heaven, for I know that He has rewarded me much more than what I’ve given up.

Campus Election is back!

2007-09-26T11:09:00.000+08:00

Let's pray for justice, let's hope for equality :)

By Him I can make a difference

2007-09-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

I’m writing what I’m going to write not because I am angry, resentful or frustrated. I just want to share with you how a same person can react so differently towards two incidents that are so similar, parted by the time length of 5 years.

I’m crying when I’m starting to write this.

5 years can be a long time to make a person numb to certain incidents, but it might not be long enough to make him or her forget it.

The moment when the chairman says, ‘we found these people (inclusive of me) more suitable in this position instead of that’ drew me back to the unforgettable experience that happened to me 5 years ago when a different group of people that trained me to be a leader for a whole 2 years gave me a big shock by electing me to be the secretary of the society instead. What they did after that made me even more frustrated. They had a ‘comforting’ session with me, telling me that secretary is the real hero behind the scene, the president can’t do anything without the help of a good secretary and etc, and that they find me the ONLY one that can do the job. That time what came to my mind was, ‘Cut the crap! Just tell me off that I’m not the material for leadership.’ And what I did after that was quite aggressive. I asked for a big stack of waste papers, and I tear the papers off one by one in front of them. I forgot how long I did that, but yea, that was how frustrated I was.

When I encountered the very similar incident few days ago, my reaction was very much different from mine 5 years ago. I didn’t tear off any paper. I wasn’t very affected when they announced it. I openly accepted their comments on my suitability in other position. I willingly take up the new position that they’ve offered, a place that I’ve never thought of being in before that. I can’t deny my disappointment for not being in the position that I was expecting myself to be in, after all, that’s something that seems greater in the sight of men. But I’m TRULY thankful to God for what He has given me.

I think the reason for the different in response is that I was well prepared in prayer. I’ve set my hearts right to Him. In fact, I think it’s the best time to fulfill my vow to Him, which is to serve Him in any position I’m in, under any circumstances. I said it, I mean it.
Really, I think they’ve been wise and have chosen a better candidate than me.

I’m not sure about the principles of immunology that I’ve learned in class, that one will acquired immunization after they’ve defeated a previous attack. Perhaps, why I was still ‘terasa’ a bit is because I’m yet to have fully defeated the previous attack of Satan, even though I claimed to have forgiven them. Nevertheless, the pain was so fast counteracted by the assurance of self value and future I have in Christ.

Sometime I wonder why God often not allow me to do what I want to do, at least in this particular ‘Persaudaraan’ I’ve committed myself into =) In another word, why is the passion that I believed He has put into my heart don’t seems to aligned with my capabilities or strength? But God knows what is best for us.

5 years ago, I left the society after that incident that hurt me so much. Today, there’s no way I’m going to call for a quit, because I know for sure what am I doing, and who am I doing all this for. I thank God; it is all by Him that I can make a difference this time.

In between of writing this, there were tears in my eyes, not out of sadness, but out of gratitude to Him for the miracle He has done in my life. As I’m writing in last line, my eyes are already dry; I’m all set to go the extra miles with Him.

A zest for life

2007-09-06T12:56:00.000+08:00

Yo!

After letting this blog dormant for such a long time, finally i'm posting my first entry here! What a historical day... :)

Let's me talk a bit abt my blog title. I was eating 'Chipster' u see... and it was in the ads: " ..enjoy the zesty flavor..*and so on" and i thought it was a cool word that starts with Z.

But what is my zest for? I questioned myself. Everybody have a passion. Some are specific and determined, some perhaps less. I admires those people that are sure abt what they want in life, and are dare to declare and pursue it.

I call myself a dreamer. I dream a lot, I want to accomplish many things. To some point, I'm over confidence and lost my focus.

So, i guess, my ultimate zest is LIFE. My own life, and the life of others.

Hope u can feel my zest thru this blog:)